Male Loneliness in Online Sex Work

Speaker 1 1:17

Welcome back to Spicy Spectrum , where we dive deep into the world of online sex work . When it comes to human connection , have you ever wondered what it's like to engage with customers who may seem a little bit socially awkward or out of their element ? Or you may be a little socially awkward . Join me , pepper , in today's episode of Spicy Spectrum as I share personal insights and my perspective when it comes to navigating the world of socially awkward customers and the profound impact of male loneliness from a CAM model's perspective . I recently came across a study on westernoregonuniversityedu where a survey found that six in 10 men under the age of 30 are single nearly double the rate of women at the time and that the study also found that one in five men are either not looking for a relationship or are unable to find sexual partners , and I wanted to expand on this topic of male loneliness . To expand on this topic of male loneliness , I know I've dropped a couple of episodes , but I'm sharing this because , obviously , I speak to men all day . If you don't know me , I do phone sex , camming clips , online sex work where I interact with , the majority of the time , men . In the realm of online sex work , encountering socially awkward customers is a common experience and , before I continue , if you are not socially awkward , I am not talking about you . If it doesn't apply , let it fly . I'm talking about the ones who I've encountered , as well as a common theme that I'm catching on to . When it comes to experiencing socially awkward customers , what I've seen is that their discomfort often reflects broader issues like loneliness and social isolation . Broader issues like loneliness and social isolation , which can be exacerbated by the impersonal nature of digital communication . Imagine the frustration of trying to connect with someone who appears uncomfortable or socially disconnected . Or imagine you being frustrated as someone who's socially awkward , communicating with someone like a camp model or a sex worker . Their awkwardness might come across as a lack of engagement , making interactions feel strained or challenging . And these moments are not just awkward . They can reveal deep-seated loneliness and the struggle of building meaningful connections in this new digital world .

Speaker 1 4:39

As someone who's been in the online sex work community for a couple of years , especially as someone who does this full time and who speaks to men every day , I've had my fair share of encounters with customers who exhibit social awkwardness . With customers who exhibit social awkwardness . My time in the industry has given me a unique insight into how loneliness and technology shape these interactions when it comes to men , allowing me to understand and empathize with both customers and their struggles . Now , as a cam model and phone sex operator , and someone who makes porn and adult content , I've encountered a handful of men who are socially awkward . I've had several different experiences that I would like to personally expand and then give my personal perspective of why I think this may be .

Speaker 1 5:46

I wanted to first recognize male loneliness . As someone who speaks to men all the time , understanding that socially awkward behavior often stems from deeper issues relating to , in my opinion , a customer's insecurity or being isolated or not having interaction with the women in their personal life , maybe not having close friendships or someone to speak to . I know , when it comes to my customers who are socially awkward , a lot of them do not have those close relationships with other men . They don't feel like they can verbally express their emotions to the people who are in their personal lives , or they may not even have people in their personal lives to verbally express , sexually or emotionally , what they're feeling or going through and , as a result , they come to women like me who are sex workers in person or virtually Cam models , phone sex operators , onlyfans . Models , the list goes on . Models , the list goes on , and I believe it's important to recognize male loneliness , because we deal with the majority men who may feel some sort of loneliness . You have to question why they're seeking services like us and why , whether you agree with it or not , these platforms provide a space for interactions and for people to feel seen and not feel like they're invisible .

Speaker 1 7:30

When it comes to socially awkward customers , I've noticed a couple of things that I wanted to share . For the most part , the majority of my customers are older , some would say older men between and I'm not saying you're old if you're like 40 , but older 40s , 50s , some 60s , and a lot of times I have men who are divorced or married or in relationships , or married or in relationships , and then I have a segment of men who are younger , in their 20s , 30s , single dating or not dating , and those are the groups who I've witnessed to be a little bit more socially awkward than my older customers , and I have a couple of reasons , in my personal opinion , why this may be so . When it comes to the younger customers , for the majority I get them on cam . I do get a couple of them who call my phone sex lines , but it's not as common as camming , but there's a theme between camming and phone sex . When it comes to socially awkward customers that I've seen A lot of them do not have or , yes , do not have interactions with women in their personal life , like MyFreeCams or Chatterbait or Cam Model sites , as well as other sites like Night Flirt or any sites that involve interacting with women , which , in my opinion , I do not see a problem with it . I don't think people should be shamed for finding companionship , even if they have to pay for it . If both parties are consenting , I don't see a problem with it , and I find that a lot of guys , when I speak to them , it's an interesting situation in turn , or it's not interesting , it's more of like it's a perspective that I see from a CAM model that , and yes , I do feel like it's a bit concerning , but I also feel like I provide a space where they can open up , and I see a lot of times where they don't know how to communicate what they want .

Speaker 1 9:51

I find that a lot of customers who are socially awkward are looking for guidance when it comes to what they're into sexually or a fantasy , and they don't know how to do it . So then they call me . For the most part it's not too difficult . I don't mind guiding someone or giving ideas or helping them experience some new kink or fetish that they've never really had a chance to play out , or even just a general connection that they just want to find . It doesn't have to be kink or fetish related . Maybe they're just trying to explore themselves and see what they like .

Speaker 1 10:29

I don't really have a problem guiding customers who may be new to this , but one of the challenges that I face with these type of customers is that it is difficult and challenging to communicate verbally with them and kind of get out , kind of bring out what they like , because they don't know themselves or they just don't know how to communicate it , or they may be shy or feel like they're going to be judged . Be shy or feel like they're going to be judged , so it is kind of a challenge to pull out what they like and what they're looking for through phone sex . A lot of them , I find , are insecure or questioning themselves whether what they're into is appropriate or whether they what they're doing is okay , and I find that a lot of them want to be affirmed , which I think hey if you want to feel affirmed and feel like you're seen and what you're doing is is appropriate or your , your , your sexual urges are okay . I think sex work is a way to affirm those and feel like you can be comfortable in your skin and not feel judged , because the world is already judging all of us .

Speaker 1 11:52

But that's what I've noticed and I spoke about this before where I'm seeing an increase of younger men seeking platforms like phone sex and camming , and what I've noticed with them is that a lot of times , with the ones who are socially awkward , they do not like to verbally speak , so they'll like text me or , you know , like send messages during the cam show , and I'm not sure if they're just trying to be quiet or if they're just shy . So I can't really make that determination . But I do know that some guys do not , purposely they do not show themselves or they do not speak because they don't know how to speak to women , and I've had some of them tell me that like they don't , you know , they're shy or they may think they're not attractive or whatever the case may be , and I find that that's a common theme amongst those customers and I feel like we have to look at we have to look at it on a deeper level as to why I feel like there's a lot of insecurity that not just socially awkward men , but men period , I've noticed have in terms of being secure in their own sexual urges , what they like , what they're into . There's a lot of insecurity , there's a lot of shame in themselves for liking what they like or kind of questioning themselves as to if this is okay or not , and the reason why I say this is because I feel like this is a result . In my opinion , this is the the a lot of reaction I see based on the self-shame of their own sexuality and their sexual desires .

Speaker 1 13:43

They take it out on sex workers , which is really odd because a lot of times , a lot of them do not have women in their own personal life and a lot of times , they jerk off or seek companionship from sex workers the very same women that they're putting down , and I'm not saying it's all of them who do it , but it's a common theme that I see happening and I want to acknowledge that . It almost makes me feel like the ones who are socially awkward , who are online chatting or harassing sex workers or sending messages or on Twitter making comments . They're ashamed and they're finding an out . They need an outlet to feel I don't know to . I guess because they're socially awkward and they have some sort of self-hate towards themselves . They are taking that self-hate on people who they see as below them , like sex workers and I . Really , in my opinion , I feel like we're used as scapegoats . And then , on the other side of the coin , I see a lot of them seeking some type of guidance from being socially awkward and they seek communities like red pill and the man is spare I .

Speaker 1 15:52

I find that a lot of men who are lonely , who are socially awkward , seek those platforms to find some type of guidance on how to speak to women or how to have interactions with women , how to get laid , how to date and those communities . While I see the intention of seeking guidance from their side , of finding some type of leader to help them navigate through this new world where dating is not always easy , I think that those platforms are not always the best , in my personal opinion , and it makes it worse . It makes socially awkward men more angry . And I've spoken about Red Pill before . If you haven't heard , I think I've done about two episodes on it . Feel free to listen .

Speaker 1 16:41

But I feel like being socially awkward is something where a lot of men feel alone and that they can't verbally

Understanding Social Awkwardness and Loneliness

Speaker 1 16:48

speak or have interactions with the women they want , or even friendships . And then they find those communities like red pill and man of spirit to feel like they're seen , to feel like their voices are heard , to feel like they're not alone , because this world is crazy and , um , there's not a lot of friendships . That what I see men have compared to women and I'm being face to face , I'm interacting with these guys and I see their behavior . I see them being awkward , I see them not knowing how to speak to me , which is fine , like I don't mind , like again , guiding men on how to speak to women , I find that I correct them a lot in terms of their behavior and I don't know if they're watching Red Pill and then they talk to me and they take those tips and like they're . Some of them are really rude and they think it's like hot or whatever and it's like dude , like just be yourself . But I understand that in a world where you feel like you have to put on a persona to fit in or to feel like you're like the cool guy or whatever , and you're taking tips from red Pill on how to get women and I just see a lot of misguided , lonely men and I see a lot of men frustrated . If you're on Twitter , I'm on Twitter all the time because that's where I advertise On my own page . I don't like spam or whatever , but or like I'll post and I'll see little comments .

Speaker 1 18:28

And I see lonely , socially awkward men upset online making comments under posts and pictures and sex workers and only fans women . I see the frustration and one may say , okay , these are just angry , like men or whatever . But if you look deeper , these men who are socially awkward , making comments and arguing with people all day I don't know what , I don't know if some of these guys have jobs or not , um , but you see them trolling and harassing and making comments and there's a deeper hurt that's happening that I see there's a hurt from these men , them not seeing the scene and I'm not justifying their behavior , to be clear , because no one should be talking about other people and putting them down because you feel bad about yourself . That's not going to help your situation . But I see a deep-seated hurt being translated into anger online and feeling like you're not seen and feeling like women don't want you and feeling like I'm on these red pill platforms or I'm in these group chats , I'm in these subreddits , I'm chatting with other guys , I'm watching the podcast , I'm watching the videos and I'm still not getting dates . I'm still socially awkward , I'm still lonely , I'm still isolated and it's not working . And on top of that , I also hate OnlyFans women because they're getting paid for getting attention and I'm over here not getting a date , but they're getting paid . And I'm calling them hoes and whores , but they don't care and it's just a crazy cycle .

Speaker 1 20:24

I see happening and I don't me as a sex worker . I see it from my side , but then I also see it from the side of my customers who I interact and I just think there's a lot of confusion . And especially as the world progresses , where there are less dating options and there are , the dating scene and Tinder and online dating is really crazy and I've done it before , I don't even touch those apps anymore . But the frustration of not getting what you think was promised to you , of having , I don't know , a wife or dating , with things getting more expensive , the internet , more online craziness in these conversations that you see all day , it's frustrating and it's turning into anger , these socially awkward men which it's not normal to go online and call people names and log off and go to bed and just think that's okay . That's you not having communication skills .

Speaker 1 21:31

But I think , because we're surrounded by technology so much we're texting , we're online , we're not really going out as much and verbally interacting with other people , that in my opinion , I see that that creates more socially awkward men . When you're stuck in the house and just online or like playing video games and like , I feel like there's not a balance and of course , I'm not a man , I'll never be a man , I'm not in your shoes , but I'm just saying what I've been observing and I feel like , because we're in a digital world and it's so technology driven that it's taking away from that in person connection . On the other side , though , I find that me Skyping and doing face-to-face with guys and a lot of them getting comfortable and not or feeling like they can , you know , say what's on their mind and feeling like they're in a safe space , there's a there's not verbally talking to someone , but then on the other side , yes , there are ways online , like Skype or on video chat and phone sex , where you can actually interact with someone and have that connection and that intimacy that I don't think a lot of people recognize , that intimacy that I don't think a lot of people recognize . And that's why I do find it interesting and I ask , not just interesting , but I find it . It disappoints me when I see a lot of guys online who are experiencing this form of loneliness , when they take that frustration out on sex workers like me and like , make nasty comments or who are disrespectful on sex workers like me and like , make nasty comments or who are disrespectful , but they're also lonely and they're not taking advantage of these platforms instead of being against it and talking about it all day , which is crazy , because if you're against it , why are you talking about it all the time ? You're against it , but you're not taking advantage of it and actually utilizing these platforms , which , again , I don't know if , if you should be , if you have the attitude towards us , but not utilizing these platforms to enhance your communication skills , if you feel like you don't have it in person before there .

Speaker 1 24:00

There's an increase of guys who are virgins and who are lonely seeing in-person sex workers to practice

Embracing Technology for Male Loneliness

Speaker 1 24:07

, to practice and and to also lose their virginities , but learn how to practice appreciating their bodies and appreciating a woman's body , and in an appropriate setting where it's two consensual adults sharing a space together and exploring their sexuality and sexual urges , and a safe space where they're not feeling judged and honestly , I don't feel like anyone should be judged for seeing a sex worker . But I think because there's such a stigma attached to it that we like to , or that we feel shame of having to purchase quote unquote , purchase companionship , and that there is that's the barrier of entry , and I feel like we need to embrace our sexuality more . We need to embrace our sexuality more . We need to embrace our sexual desires more , because the more you push against it , the more you push against acknowledging who you are and what you like and acknowledging that , hey , I'm horny and sometimes I need certain outlets , but I'm also socially awkward , so I don't know how to do that . Sometimes I need certain outlets , but I'm also socially awkward , so I don't . I don't know how to do that and I feel like there's such a stigma attached that we kind of like beat ourselves up for for for appreciating our humanity and I feel like , with men , from my perspective as a , as a cam model , what I'm observing on Twitter and me interacting .

Speaker 1 26:22

There is a shame that's attached to your sexuality and your sexual urges that it's not being acknowledged . It's kind of like this is who I am , but I hate it . And I hate those women on those porn sites who keep reminding me of who I am and what I like , and I hate it and I hate them . I hate them for turning me on I I hate them for reminding me of how my my my sexual urges and what I'm really into . But they're comfortable with it . I'm not comfortable with myself , so I'm gonna I'm gonna attack them because I don't feel comfortable with my own self and they make me feel uncomfortable and I feel like that is a part of the social awkwardness that I've seen .

Speaker 1 27:14

I do commend the I'm look . I commend socially awkward men for signing up for sites like OnlyFans and cam model sites and trying to talk and trying to find companionship and trying to open your mind to at least verbally communicating with the same women that you may be afraid to speak to in person . I do and I don't care . Look , if you disagree with me , that's fine , but I don't think sitting there online , being socially awkward and posting online and harassing people is not helping . And , again , I'm not a medical expert , I'm not giving advice . These are my opinions , these are my perspectives . You can take it or leave it , but don't . I'm not giving out medical advice , I'm just doing , I'm talking , I'm speaking from my point of view and my perspective as a cam model and what I see based on my own personal insights and I've seen , you know , I've .

Speaker 1 28:21

I do appreciate when I see those who are not comfortable with themselves or comfortable with their sexualities or comfortable with their sexual urges , how comfortable they get as time goes on when they speak to me . Or I've heard of other camp models where they've had customers who get more comfortable or who open up and who know how to communicate or they're practicing communicating with a woman and , honestly , I don't see any problem with that . I don't , because I think , as we continue in a world that's so technology driven , we're going to have to learn how to embrace technology , but also use it to our benefit . Of course , not be fully consumed by it , that you , you know , remain in your online bubble , but embrace technology and embrace , embrace different ways of communicating and exploring your sexuality in a safe place . I don't think there's anything wrong with that .

Speaker 1 29:22

I think I think , of course it's stigmatized , but I think we have to , as , as the world goes on and as we're , we , we're going to see more male loneliness . I don't , I don't care what anyone says , I mean we're , we're , we're all ready seeing it , the , the lack of relationships that's happening , the frustration with dating apps it's going to continue . A lot of women aren't even dating anymore . They're not even having sex anymore . I'm going to be honest . I'm going to be honest and I'm a woman , I speak to other women . A lot of them are done , so it's like , and you can't force women to , you can't force women to marry , right , so it's like , unless , like , somebody puts something in place , you know , but like it's the , the relationship dynamics are shifting and so you can't take your old mindset and expect the same results to happen in a world that's changing very quickly .

Speaker 1 30:48

Loneliness , but not only that recognizing the sexuality and the sexual desires that we don't like to talk about because it's so taboo , and also we have to address different ways of recognizing your sexual side and and appreciating I'm just saying , am I appreciating these sites ? Because I do see a lot of men who are lonely , who appreciate being acknowledged on these campsites or talking to their favorite cam auto or talking to their favorite phone sex operator and getting what they need , whether it's sexual or not , and having a where hey , yes , I'm paying for it . But also I I feel seen and I feel like I'm not judged and I feel comfortable and they , they see me and I don't feel invisible . And of course , I do believe people should have a balance . Like I don't think you should be consumed with porn 24-7 . But I also think that if you're working hard or you're being a responsible adult and you want to indulge in something naughty for an hour or for five minutes to escape from your crazy world , I think that should . I think that should be honored .

Speaker 1 32:10

I think it's okay to appreciate the the dark and light sides of yourself . You can't always like it can't always be peachy and sweet . It's okay to be a little naughty . And I'm not saying be naughty in a way that it hurts other people . I'm saying consensual naughty videos and naughty interactions that you don't get on your normal basis . That helps recognizing other parts of yourself and being shameful of that and being shy and timid about it and addressing it . And it comes from being shamed too from the outside world and saying what you're doing is wrong , or you feeling horny is bad . Saying what you're doing is wrong or you , you feeling horny is bad . And I'm gonna be honest , and I've I've said this before in my um . I did a podcast episode on Christianity . Feel free to check it out . It's one of my oldest podcast episodes .

Speaker 1 33:22

I I feel like a lot of I'm just gonna be honest a lot of I'm just going to be honest a lot of structures centered around religion and just the overall perception of sexuality and how it's taboo . I feel like that makes , in my opinion , not just women but men feel ashamed of it , makes you feel ashamed of something that's natural , that's something that's a part of your own humanity , and when you don't address your full humanity , of who you are , you live life feeling shamed . And I feel like a lot of guys who are socially awkward , especially when it comes to sex , and women feel shameful . It's a lot of shame that comes with that . But I think when we start to embrace ourselves and feel comfortable , we can then feel comfortable with our confidence and feel like , hey , you know what it's okay , like you know , it's okay for me to be on this site , or it's okay for me to seek companionship and feel seen . I don't think fighting against it helps , in my opinion , and I feel like when we start having these conversations more , we can address these conversations more and address these issues on a deeper level . But I think us not talking about it and not addressing it is not going to help , and I think , and by approaching socially awkward customers with understanding and empathy that I try to have , I believe that we can transform these challenging interactions into opportunities for connection that we may not have seen before , and this not only improves the quality of communication , but it can also help in terms of someone feeling less isolated , more engaged in a world where technology is more popular , and understanding that it's okay to use technology to address you feeling lonely . And again , I'm not a medical , I'm not advising you , but I'm sharing my opinion on how , on how us embracing technology can also benefit others Like I .

Speaker 1 36:01

I know like during the pandemic , there were people who were literally stuck , myself included . I lived in a state where they didn't even let us out the house , like it was crazy , and you felt you saw people feeling lonely and isolated and looking for connection , and that's when you saw an increase of adult consumption of online cam sites , sites like OnlyFans , sites like PhoneSex , nightflare , and them craving that connection because they didn't have it in person . And I see that happening now . There's a need for it and we don't like to , in my opinion . I don't feel like because we don't like change . We don't like to acknowledge that the new world that we're entering , we're going to have to start changing how we interact with each other and embrace technology and I know people don't like technology as much but the world we're entering , that's our world and we have to start having these conversations .

Speaker 1 37:01

So those are my opinions , those are my perspective and I hope , if you're listening to this , you gain a different perspective of what maloneliness is and how it contributes to being socially awkward from a sex worker's point of view . Or maybe you are someone who's experienced this and you've heard my perspective and I hope that what I've been saying has resonated with someone or , if it didn't resonate for you , it's giving you a different type of perspective that you may have not thought about . And me , as a sex worker and having this podcast , I have to discuss the good , the bad and the ugly , and also the positive , but also the negative , and I think having these conversations are really important , especially now . And speaking of connection and finding a safe space , you know I always bring it up . If you would like to have a place where you feel like you want to be yourself and feel comfortable in your skin and maybe explore a fantasy or just connect , I highly encourage you to check out Design your Dream Girl , where you can learn more about how you can personalize your connection and feel seen and feel like you are in a comfortable space where you can be yourself without judgment , and the power is in your hands to make it happen . I also encourage you to like , subscribe and follow and rate this podcast five stars .

Speaker 1 38:44

Please turn on your notifications so that you can see when episodes drop and also follow us on social media . The links are in the description where you can hear different previews of different clips of podcasts and see when new episodes are dropping . I also , from time to time , I'll do fun surveys on twitter and instagram to interact . Feel free to out . Tell me what you think about this episode or this podcast in general .

Speaker 1 39:13

Did you like it , Did you not ? I would love to hear from you and if you have any questions or any suggestions for future episodes . I would love to hear from you . I always love to hear from different perspectives and what people like and what they

Seeking Feedback and Encouraging Self-Expression

Speaker 1 39:27

want to hear . So my ears are open and please stay true to yourself , know that this is a safe space and stay spicy and know that being and embracing all parts of yourself is okay and if certain places where you could embrace them are appropriate , then hey , it's okay to seek those . Stay true to yourself , stay tuned for more spicy episodes and I hope you are enjoying the rest of your day and I will see you on the next episode on Spicy Spectrum . This is Pepper signing off .