Welcome back to another episode of Spicy Spectrum. I'm your Dreamy Girl Pepper, and today I want to answer a question I've seen online more times than I can count. Especially when it comes to OnlyBans and porn and other adult sites. Why would a man pay for another woman when he has a wife or a girlfriend? It's a fair question. And we discussed this this past Monday on Spicy Spectrum Live, which I hold at 7 p.m. Eastern Standard Time every Monday on TikTok for now. That's the only platform. But I do have the replay if you did miss our spicy conversation, which it did get spicy. If you missed it, you can catch it on Patreon, on my What He's Thinking series on SubSec. And on here, it will be dropped this upcoming Friday. And I also expanded on my What He's Thinking series on Subsec regarding this topic. Just to let you know. So be sure to catch that out. Catch up and check those out. All links are in the show notes. Before I worked in the adult industry, and I probably wouldn't, I probably would have answered this question the same way a lot of people would do. I've assumed something must be wrong at home, which I'm not going to doubt that that is true, right? Maybe they weren't happy, and that can also be true, right? Maybe they weren't just having sex. Or maybe they just have fallen out of love with their partner. Those are all true. I'm not saying those are not possibilities. After years in this industry, I don't think it's always that simple. One of the biggest surprises for me wasn't the fantasies men had. Under my Pepperkin account. I was asking my fans who are mostly my clients, hey, why do you visit adult sites? Why do you choose to see an adult professional? And the main answer that a lot of them chose was for entertainment. Like that was the top one. It wasn't really for connection. It wasn't, yes, some chose connection. Some said fantasy. Some said um, and there were other reasons, but the main was one main reason was I want to be entertained. Like that was the main one. And I'm not gonna lie, I was really shocked, but I wasn't also shocked. But I was shocked that it was the highest amongst the other other ones. And it could have just been those who follow me, but it was an interesting observation that matched with what I hear when they call me and say that they're bored and they decided to call, right? And so sometimes we've spent 20 minutes talking. You know, when I'm speaking to these guys, some of them may just tell me about their day. There are some who just jump into the nitty-gritty, like, hey, like this is the fantasy I've been thinking about. This is what I want you to do. Others may just want to talk about their work day or complaining about a neighbor or talking about how things are going, how their love life is going. So it's all different. Uh you know, in addition to the bored part, a lot of them may just be complaining about things going on at home or stuff like that. Sometimes we laugh, sometimes they talk about sports. Even they may ask about me and what I do. Who's this mysterious woman I'm calling? And who is she? And so sometimes, even like the fantasy never even gets discussed. And if it is discussed, it's not a role play, it's just this is what I'm into. I just wanted to tell you about it. Or here's a confession I've never told anyone. Here's a dirty secret. I just wanted to tell you. Could they be jerking off on the other end? Yes, most likely, yes. I'm not even going to deny that part. And so I stopped asking myself why someone would pay for a conversation after having all these conversations, and I started asking what they were actually paying for. And I realized that a lot of the time they weren't paying for another woman. They were paying for an experience. Think about that. If someone goes to a concert, they're paying for an experience with their favorite artist. If someone goes to an escape room, they're paying for an experience with finding a key to the next room or some thrill. If someone's paying, or if someone's watching a movie and they're they're paying to feel something for a couple of hours to escape, they're paying into a fantasy. But fantasy isn't all that different. It's entertainment, it's imagination, it's stepping into another world and escaping from your current life and the realities of the life that that you live in. And I think people hear the word fantasy and immediately think sex. And sometimes sometimes fantasy has very little to do with sex and more to do with the attention that comes with it. And sometimes it's about feeling attractive again or being validated. Sometimes it's about hearing someone flirt with you after you had a stressful day or week. And sometimes it's about escaping your responsibilities for an hour. I can't tell you how many times how many times I've spoken to CEOs, milit military veterans, or someone who's currently in the milit in the military, which is huge. Business owners, teachers, fathers, men from all works of life, and they're calling me, right? And they're trying to escape something. I've even had people hide in closets, like whispering. I've even heard you know, people in the background like knocking on the door trying to like, you know, or like their roommate knocking on the door, or their kids knocking on the door, like daddy, like, and then like they have to hang up or whatever, whatever. Like, you know, they're just trying to escape the realities of their life in this session. And, you know, something they all have in common is that many of them spend their entire day taking care of everyone else. Then for an hour, they don't have to do that. And that doesn't automatically mean they're trying to replace their partner. It doesn't automatically mean they love someone else. I mean, at the end of the day, they're not looking to marry any of us, and we're not looking to marry them. And that's a big misconception I always see online when I see people say, oh, you know, I would never marry an OnlyFans woman or someone who does porn. It's like, dude, like we're not looking to marry you. And or like I'll I'll see people say, like, oh, um, just so like you know, your clients aren't trying to marry you, you know, they're just here for a good time. Duh. That's what they're paying for. What on earth? You think we're on these sites to look for husbands? It's so ridiculous. The the the things people come up with. Like, and these are both men and women who say these things online, and it's like, you have no idea what this is, and you're just speaking out of your ass. I'm just being honest. Like, I do not wake up saying, Oh, what husband am I looking to marry today? No. No, we have our own lives. Some of us are dating, some of us have husbands, some of us have partners, some some of us are not even straight, like, like we all have our lives, right? And so I just wanted to point out that misconception that comes with that. And so, yes, so a lot of our clients are looking to take a break from being the version of themselves the world expects, right? And after another thing I notice is that people assume paying for fantasy means someone couldn't find that attention somewhere else. I don't think I don't necessarily think that's true. And I'm gonna I'm I'm gonna say why. I don't think that's necessarily true because first of all, I like I said, one of our main clientels are married men, they are getting attention, whether it's it's bad or negative or positive, they're getting attention at home, even if it's like negative attention, like you know, I and I'm not saying someone's attraction always equates getting attention, but I have I have clients who are very attractive because they get attention all the time. And I've said this before, and I'll say it again, and I won't expose anyone, but I have clients who are l who are literally public figures, like people who the world knows. They get attention. Like these men, I have men who have been work who have who who are athletes or who are former athletes. Like these men get attention all the time. So it's not about them missing some sort of attention. Yes, that does. I'm not saying that doesn't mean there are men who don't get attention. There are men who don't get attention who and who are ignored in society, yes. But there are also men who do get attention, so it's not necessarily that's the main reason. I think a lot of men pay because the boundaries are clear. They're going on these sites, they know what they want, or they're trying to figure out what they want, and they know this is the site to get what they're looking for. It's that simple. You know, everyone understands the experience. There's no guessing, there's no mixed signals, no wondering whether someone is interested. Everybody knows why they're there. And for some men, that clarity feels comforting. I even had, I remember I was speaking, and I hear this a lot with a lot of divorced men who seek adult sites, either in person or virtually. A lot of them, when I ask them, hey, would you get married again? These a lot of them say, Well, I just I think it's it's easier for me to see an escort. Like these are actual answers I get. It's easier for me to see an escort. It's easier for me to go to a massage parlor. I'm I kid you not. It's easier for me to call you or do a video session because I don't have to deal with what comes with being in a relationship. That may sound really harsh, but that's the truth I hear. That a lot of them just rather just pay for the experience of what they want with no mixed signals or going on dates and having to court some of them, right? We both know what it is, there's no emotions in it. I get what I want, she gets what she wants, and you we go our separate ways and we do it again. And so I've noticed that some men keep fantasy separate on on purpose, and it's not the ones who are not divorced. Now I'm talking about the clients who are married, it's not because they don't love their partner. Could they not love their partner? Yes, I'm not gonna weed that out, but because they don't want every fantasy to become part of their everyday relationship, a lot of them like having things separate, or they know their partner is not into whatever they're into, which is why you'll see a lot of men have dominatrix on the side, in addition to having a wife. I said this, I remember bringing this up. Oh, I was being interviewed on a podcast recently. I was on someone else's show, and I said, it is very difficult. It's it's already difficult for me or challenging, right? It takes a lot of energy to do what I do, takes a lot of energy to do age play or um do DOM work or do some sort of fantasy. I can't imagine, in addition to doing that, having to raise kids and being wife all all at once to this particular person, in addition to being their personal porn star or or being their personal dominatrix. That is a lot of work. Being a dominatrix and doing fantasy work in any capacity, stripping, cam work, any work that we do, it takes a lot of work. It it's it's work, it's a second job. So for me, I'm not saying that a wife can't do that, that they can't be a dominatrix in a mother. I'm just saying that that's a lot of work. And it takes a lot of mental energy, and you'll be drained. Like if I'm drained after my sessions, I can't imagine having to do that with my husband, in addition to raising kids, in addition to working if you are, in addition to all this stuff that comes with that. Like, that is a lot. I'm just being honest. And so I'm not saying that that's why husbands, I don't think husbands think about that, but I'm thinking on the wife side, like how much energy it would take to carry that role of a sex worker in your life in addition to what you already do. And I'm just being honest, as someone who does this line of work, and you're not getting paid either, so you're not getting compensated. So it's like, you know, it's it's it's a lot of labor. Um, and then on the other side of that, a lot of them see their wives or girlfriends as something other than a sex worker or a cam model or a stripper. They don't want to see that side. And and that's something they have to work out internally with themselves and how they view women. You know, so I mean that's that's something that you have to work out within yourself. Some men enjoy having a space where they where imagination stays exactly that. Imagination. It's a fantasy. They want you to get, they, they, they, they, they want to be pegged, or they want to fantasize about other men, or they want to fantasize about sucking on toes, or they want to fantasize about a woman burping. They want that to stay on the adult side. They don't want to carry that into their personal life, they want to keep things separate, you know. So, I mean, that's that's just how it is. Do some men incorporate that with their partners? Sure. I'm not denying that, but what from my observation and what I've heard, they want to keep those two separate. They want to keep the fantasy woman separate from their wife. And now, does this mean everyone should pay for adult entertainment or pay for an escort or pay for a stripper? No. That does it mean that every relationship should look the same. Absolutely not. Every couple has different boundaries, every relationship has different conversations that happen, especially when it comes to what happens in the bedroom and what people feel comfortable with. What interests me isn't telling people what they should do, especially on here. What interests me is understanding why, especially men, because those are my main customers, make the choices they do. Because once you start listening without immediately judging, you begin hearing patterns. You begin hearing who someone truly is. And after thousands of private conversations, one pattern keeps showing up. When it comes to my male clients, most of them aren't looking for another life, they're looking for another moment that they can have. And that doesn't excuse someone being dishonest, it doesn't excuse cheating, but I do think it helps explain why this conversation is much more complicated than simply saying he paid for another woman, he's paying for OnlyFans, he's paying for porn. Sometimes he paid for an hour where he could relax. Sometimes he paid for an imagination, sometimes he paid for entertainment, sometimes he paid because it felt easier than trying to explain a fantasy he'd been carrying carrying around for years. And those are very different conversations. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this particular topic. Again, I know it's controversial. And again, I want to be clear that when I talk about this, I'm not advocating for cheating, I'm not pushing for it, I'm explaining why men, some men do what they do based on my personal observations on the men who do it. I don't whether it's some or majority on the men who do it, I'm explaining why it happens. What do you think people are really paying for? I love to continue this conversation with you. I want you to put it in the comments. What do you think men in this case, and if you're a man or if you are not one, what do you think men are paying for when they're paying for OnlyFans, they're paying for porn, and they're paying for escorts or paying for strippers, cam models, what do you think is happening? I'm interested to know. Let me know. Or if you want to slide into my DMs and let me know, I'll I'll share. Anonymously. And if you enjoyed today's episode, for one, if you made it this far, if you have not rated this podcast five stars, it literally takes five seconds. When you rate this podcast, it trains the algorithm and it lets people know hey, this podcast is worth listening to. And we're already explicit and we're 18 plus, so the reach is um not as broad as a podcast that's not 18 plus. So if you can just take a minute to rate our podcast five stars, I would love you forever. You'll help more people find us, you'll put us in the algorithm for discovery. If you leave a comment if you turn on your notifications, if you subscribe, that all helps us be discovered for more ears. And I do think these conversations are important. And I really want other people to have access to these conversations as well. So I I really appreciate that. Be sure to read the companion art um article over on my subsack, What He's Thinking. Um it's in the show notes where I dive even deeper into this topic. And if you like bonus content and the behind-the-scenes conversations, join me on Patreon. Patreon has more visual and it also has bonus episodes. And it's also a community. You can post there, you can send me messages, you can send me messages on subsects too. But on Patreon, if you want to just post and just have conversations, let me know what you thought about episodes. That's the place for that in terms of having conversations. It's more easier over there. If you'd like to support the show, you can also visit my throne wish list. The link is in the show notes. That helps with podcast equipment. And also, you know, today is Pepper's Day off. And, you know, I like to go to lunch and get my nails and toes done and get my hair done and get facials and just relax after working and producing these episodes. And if you um if you're looking for a personal experience created just for you, and you want to see a place where you can actually have your naughty desires play out, visit my website, designyourdreamgirl.com, where you can learn more about designing your dream fantasy with me. And as always, I'll see you next time. Same spicy channel, same spicy time.