SPEAKER_00 1:18

Hi. Welcome back to another episode on Spicy Spectrum Live, where we host a live topic every single Monday at 7 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. Each week we have a new topic, and this week's topic is about dating apps. And I was recently scrolling online on social media, and I've been seeing screenshots of dating stories and Hinge and Tinder and people posting conversations, and everyone, a lot of people online seems to have an interesting story about dating. So tonight's question is Are people using dating apps for the wrong reasons? Or are people upfront with what they really want? We all know that there was some controversy a couple of, I think it was last week or the week before, where a guy sent an audio message about his true intentions, and it caused an uproar between people online saying, hey, you know, don't use apps just to hook up. Others were saying, well, he was up front. And so I want to know your thoughts. So if you're new here, I'm Peppercat, and I like to bring people up one by one. And I also read comments as well. So if you have a perspective or thought on the topic, I love to hear from you. I'll bring you up. I'll give you about five minutes or so, depending on who wants to come up. And if you don't feel comfortable, I'll just read your comment out loud. And yeah, so that's that is today's topic. And, you know, I was inspired by this conversation also because I am on the other side of the spectrum. So when it comes to dating apps, I've experienced, you know, people on apps who may uh have different intentions than I do. I don't necessarily think is wrong. I just think we're not compatible. So I don't really think there's a right or wrong answer. I'm curious to know other people's perspectives. And I also want to add that there's another side that happens too. So when so I, if you don't know me, I work in the adult industry and I do different types of content. And oftentimes I typically see something similar as well. So on the sites I work on, I'll see that um people who maybe subscribe to me, for example, may take use those adult sites as dating apps, right? They'll use it as dating apps and they'll want to get to know me more than what I have set the boundary for. And so a lot of times that also happens on dating apps as well, where someone may be there on an app to date or find someone or for marriage or just find a companion. And then sometimes people on dating apps may use those apps like they may be on OF or on an adult site. But the problem is sometimes people may try to um, they may have a fantasy and they may push it on somebody else who may not um consent to it or may not even want to be involved in your fantasy. Um, and I understand, you know, someone may be on a dating app and you may be into feet or something like that, and that's your sole purpose on being on a dating app. It's nothing wrong with that. Like I said, but a lot of times, you know, tell the other person your true intentions, and then um that's where it gets a little iffy. So I'm curious to know people's thoughts too. Are people using dating apps for the wrong reasons? Is there a wrong reason or are they being upfront? I want to know. And I'm I'm also curious to know too, your experience with dating apps. Do they work? Do you have you found success, or do you feel like for the most part, people are on dating apps for reasons and what they really say they're really on there for? So I'm really curious to know. Um, and just to reiterate, this isn't a panel, it's a one-on-one. So feel free to come up and I'll bring you up. Hi, Victor. Would you like to come up and answer the prompt? Welcome back. Welcome back to to anyone. If this is um, if you've been tuning in every week on Monday. And um, yeah, would you like to come up and tell or have you used a dating app? What's your experience? Um, you can also put it in the chat if you feel like are people using dating apps for the wrong reasons? Are you even on a dating app? Me personally, I'm not on dating apps anymore. I've used dating apps, I enjoy Hinge. That one was pretty successful. B Victor says, Hi Pepper. I have not used a dating app. Okay, well, would you like to come up and tell us why you haven't used a dating app? And if you would use a dating app in the future, would you like to come up? Because, you know, there's no right or wrong. There's no I'm just curious. Curious to know, or have you heard of any stories, any crazy experiences that someone you know has with a dating app? I oh, okay, let me bring you up, Victor. I'll bring you up, hopefully. Let me see. Oh, here. Okay, I'm gonna bring you up. If you um just for anyone else to make sure your camera's off and yeah.

SPEAKER_05 7:46

Welcome back, Victor.

SPEAKER_00 7:49

How's it going? Pretty good, pretty good. So tell me more. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Tell me more. Um why don't you use dating apps?

SPEAKER_03 8:04

Um, it's I don't know, I never like found it interesting. I feel like it doesn't you have to pay to find someone you like. Like I see it as like, I don't know, I just never find it interesting as like me do a person because that's what they're real at. And if you don't I feel can like make these up online.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

Oh, like a catf uh catfish.

SPEAKER_03 8:29

Not even now. They can like stake how they talk through messages or like how they ask through messages and then like just be something someone someone else, someone else in person.

SPEAKER_05 8:41

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 8:42

Or look for something like non-meaningable. Like in near the g is like a hockey app.

SPEAKER_05 8:48

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:50

I don't know. I never been I've been on one slope. All I know is Tinder is used for hockups.

SPEAKER_00 8:56

Yeah. Yeah, I've been on Tinder. Um I haven't actually paid, but I don't know if for certain websites I know sometimes people may pay for like Well, sometimes it's like harder to be on I heard it for guys harder to be on dating apps, you use girls. Oh, why do you think that is?

SPEAKER_03 9:13

Girls can like dig it. Well, it doesn't matter where you are. If you look good, a guy will slap you all the time. A girl can swipe in you at all, like you'd be fine. For guys, they have to like have like the best look, best photos, the best outfits, the best everything. Even that they have like the description of where they're from, if they look good. Even if you do all of that, you might not swipe.

SPEAKER_05 9:33

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 9:36

Like you look good or they'll swipe on you doesn't matter what you do.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dating apps, you know, I I know when I swipe like on Hinge, I usually look at the pictures, and you know, I'll I'll I'll go through the basic. Well, I'm not on Hinge anymore, but when I was on Hinge, I would swipe and look through the pictures and look at, you know, the prompts. And I found that Hinge was easier to use and kind of sum up who I enjoyed and I liked and who I didn't.

SPEAKER_03 10:05

It's like her hinge like the high profile ones.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

What was that?

SPEAKER_03 10:11

Erd Hinge like the high, like the big one, like the high profile dating app.

SPEAKER_00 10:15

Yeah, I've had a lot of success on Hinge. I really have. So it if you ever do join a dating app, I highly me personally would recommend Hinge. I feel like they're I haven't ran into anyone too crazy on there. But I like Hinge. Tinder, I had some decent people on Tinder too, but like you said, for the most part, yeah. What was that?

SPEAKER_03 10:43

Is it what's your wildest experience on dating app?

SPEAKER_00 10:46

My wild wildest experience, you know, I haven't really had a crazy experience on on any dating apps, really. Thank goodness. Yeah, I usually like vet people too. Like I'll do background checks and um background checks. Yeah, you just never know. There's like serial killers on on like dating rooms. Yeah, people like get curt um hurt, so you gotta be careful, you know, because there's like strangers on the apps too. Yeah, so you never know. So I usually do my research on people, like I'll find their social media and stuff like that, and then I'll decide if I want to go out with them or not. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:32

Like your criteria on dating apps, dating apps.

SPEAKER_00 11:36

I I like pictures that are solo, so um I know sometimes people may put pictures with their friends, but that's a little confusing because I'm like, which one is you? Then they'll use like a bunch of group pictures on their profile. So I like solo pictures and obviously people to be honest, um, and um and just to see if we're compatible. I really like Hinge because they get they have really easy prompts that you can answer that kind of gives you a summary of people. Like um, they'll say, Oh, um, tell a funny joke. And then, you know, the yeah, it's like a prompt that you can answer, and then it's also prompts about you. So prompts for the person that's scrolling if they want to answer a question that you may ask. Like I used to have, oh, um, tell me your favorite pickup line. Like that was something that I use to catch.

SPEAKER_03 12:37

It was for one.

SPEAKER_00 12:39

I forgot, honestly, that was like four years ago, but um, there were some funny ones on there, but yeah, so yeah, I I just look at pictures and then I look at um how people like to see if someone's positive, you know, if they obviously have obviously have a job. Some people too, like they'll outright say, Oh, I'm cheating on my wife, and you know, I'm just here for a good time. I mean, they're just honest, and I'm like, swipe, I don't want that. So I mean, I obviously just look through each one and see. But um, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:17

What's the best pickup on you ever heard?

SPEAKER_00 13:19

I forget, honestly. I don't I I forget on Hinge. So it was in Long.

SPEAKER_03 13:25

In general, in general, it was mine.

SPEAKER_00 13:28

I don't know. I can't I can't think of one. But what kind of criteria um what kind of things will you look for if you were on a dating app? Like what how would you look for a potential partner?

SPEAKER_03 13:48

I was gonna make a joke saying just someone who sweats back.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

What was that?

SPEAKER_03 13:52

I was gonna make a joke saying someone who just sweats back at me.

SPEAKER_00 13:55

Oh, oh, so if someone likes your profile back, that's the that's the crazy Yeah, that's be serious.

SPEAKER_03 14:03

Um this someone who's I don't know, someone who likes to have fun, go outdoors, have a good time, not someone who's like clothes it off, someone who can like have a good conversation we get.

SPEAKER_00 14:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 14:18

That's why I don't do dating apps because people are on there like say hi, hi, and then nerds it.

SPEAKER_00 14:23

It depends. It depends on I do think people use people treat people as if they're disposable on dating apps. I've seen. Um, I see reality based says I wouldn't be on a dating app. It's a waste of time. Yeah, I think you know, is some it's it's for people, sometimes it's not. Again, I'm not on dating apps anymore. I would prefer to meet people in person, and most people who I date now are people who I meet through other people. Like that's how I date. And it and it works. Like I date, I to date people who if if you know someone I know, and I can have someone vouch for you. Um I find that that works for me personally. But um, I know some people still use dating apps, so yeah, because the reality set is for hookups, as well. Sometimes, yeah, like honestly, it depends. Because, you know, people can be in person too and like want to hook up, you know, like whoever the club you or at a bar. Mm-hmm. Or if they even uh approach you on the street, like, or approach you approaching the street.

SPEAKER_03 15:36

You're down dirty you do that at the street.

SPEAKER_00 15:40

Some people do.

SPEAKER_03 15:41

I don't and if they do that, I'd be like, Dan, you you just waiting. Oh you just look around and say who's defending you first.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

Well, thanks for giving me your opinion. And if you ever, you know, try a dating app, let me know. Come up on stage and let me know. Thank you. I wanna I wanna put you back, um, put you back in the It's nice to see you too. Thanks for coming on here. Um, and if anyone wants to come back or come on as well, thank you, Victor, for sharing your perspective. And again, tonight's prompt is are people using dating apps for the wrong reasons? You can either put it in the chat or come up on stage. This is not a panel, this is one-on-one. I give you a couple of minutes depending on um who else may be in the queue. And all you have to do is follow me and then say, Hey, I want to join the stage. Sometimes I don't see if you request it, so it helps if you put in the chat, hey, I like to come up on stage. Thank you for following me, reality based. Thank you for the follow, Willie. And also thank you for the love. I didn't even see it was 206. So, um, uh oh. Did we freeze? Did we did I freeze? Can you all see me? But yeah, so um, okay, reality based has requested. Okay, then thanks for letting me know because TikTok did not tell me. So let me add here. Um, just make sure to turn off your camera and um background noise. Alright, I'm gonna bring you up here. Alright. Hi, can you hear me okay?

SPEAKER_04 18:25

Uh yeah, can you hear me?

SPEAKER_00 18:27

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 18:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

So what are your thoughts? Are people using dating apps for the wrong reasons? Wrong tomorrow.

SPEAKER_04 18:42

Well, if there's more hookup from dating apps than it is actual dating and relationship, would you say that's a wrong way to use it? Or are they using it for what they can get? 'Cause I that's what I see, you know.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

Are you on um dating apps?

SPEAKER_04 19:10

I took myself out of that equation more than a decade ago when I saw it going down the drain before it fully went down the drain, if you can understand what I'm saying. Uh just just the dating landscape has changed uh with society, with social media, with the mindset of modern women. It has effectively been unalived.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

So what kind of dating apps were you on? Were you on um Tinder or um one of the websites or hen?

SPEAKER_04 19:51

Well, last time I was on a dating app, that might have been POF. And that might have been 2012, 2013.

SPEAKER_00 19:59

Plenty of fish.

SPEAKER_04 20:00

Yeah, so that was a while ago. Uh yeah, it just it started getting bad. And and I noticed that it was gonna get worse. So I got out the way.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

Okay. Um, I see Maya says the problem with dating's uh dating apps is the people they let in. So I guess whoever's on the date. Yeah, you know, yeah, I was on plenty of fish. Um, I had some good luck on no, no, sorry, I was on the coffee one, coffee dates or it was something like that. I was on plenty of fish. But um, yeah, I guess is what you make it. Um, I really haven't had any negative interactions on dating apps, but um can you give me some example? Oh yes, yes, it's coffee meets bagel. Yes, that's the one. I I had some really good success on there. Can you give me some examples of what you experienced on dating apps that made you want to not use them anymore?

SPEAKER_04 21:05

Well, I was hooking up with girls and it was easy to to do that, but anything beyond that, once you start chartering into serious territory, I learned that that's not really the thing. Because truthfully, after we hook up a few times or we hang around each other to the point to where you feel like you're bored, you're gonna go back on the app and try to find somebody else. And men move the same way as well. So it just made me see like, oh, it's a cycle. Oh, we talk, we exchange numbers, we meet up, we hook up, but it don't go no further than that. So I say, okay, well, maybe I need to eliminate this app or not be on it. And um, that's just what happened.

SPEAKER_00 21:58

Do you find that in-person dating is similar, or what are your experience with that compared to what you experience on dating apps?

SPEAKER_04 22:09

I prefer meeting in person because I'm from the 90s. Back then it wasn't no social media. So you kind of had to have some conversation about yourself to even approach a woman and talk to her. Uh, I'm more averse than that because in that scenario, I will not lose. Uh, with dating apps, I mean, you can hide behind a facade, a fake picture, uh, so much. I I just rather the the in-person interaction conversation that lets me know if this is gonna be serious or not. Because you can front you can front and fake on the computer, but you can't front in person.

SPEAKER_00 22:58

Yeah, so yeah, I've I've definitely um I know sometimes too, people may put pictures from years ago or um, yeah, that was something that I got because and it was really women that was doing it.

SPEAKER_04 23:16

Men women oh really, but I I see women doing it because maybe at that point in time their body is not where they would like it to be, so they hold on to that good picture of them from 10 years ago and use that as the profile picture. I always thought that was funny. You know, because be yourself. If people don't like you for being yourself, then you don't need to be around them.

SPEAKER_00 23:44

Yeah. No, yeah, I I agree because I mean, you don't want to be with someone who doesn't appreciate you for you. Um one thing I noticed well, when I say like the men would lie, they would lie about their age and then the picture that matched their age. Um, so that was that was something that I came across on data. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:09

Remember lying about my age when I was a teenager. And that was because at that time, what I didn't know was a lot of young girls at that time were dealing with older men. And they wanted to deal with older men. So I would have to make my voice deepen and lie and say I was 19 and 20 when I was really 14.

SPEAKER_05 24:32

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 24:33

And then when I grew up and realized that, I was like, damn, because they used to tell you, don't try to grow up too fast. Enjoy your life. Because once you become an adult, you're gonna want to go back to being a child. And that is so true. Uh but um, yeah, that's that's how it was back then, because girls of a certain age like older men. They talk to older men. And I didn't get it. You know, I used to talk to girls at school and be like, you don't have a boyfriend? Oh, my boyfriend don't go to school. We didn't put two and two together and say, oh, your boyfriend a grown man. We didn't figure that out until we got out of school.

SPEAKER_00 25:17

Yeah. I know there's yeah, I'm sure they're more strict about that now. I see m Maya says, and um also thanks Maya for coming back. Um Maya says dealing with equals groom. Oh, like um grooming, grooming. So yeah, um, that happens too room and go both ways, dude. Yeah. So thank you so much um for sharing your perspective. Thank you for coming on here. I appreciate you sharing more um about your experience. I know the previous caller said he hadn't been on dating apps and he's not really interested. And then you said you've been on dating apps, but you're no longer on there. So Maya Maya says it doesn't go both ways. I am gonna um I want to hear what you have to say. Um but yeah, thank you. Thank you um again for um coming on and and also feel free to come back on too. Um I always change the topic each week, so thank you.

SPEAKER_04 26:21

All right, I'm sure it will. All right, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 26:26

Maya, would you like to come up and tell me more? Um I know you said, and I'll just reread it. Um, no, I already read it during during the link, the the conversation. I didn't want to get sidetracked, but I also don't like to miss comments too, because I did that last time, so um sorry, I'm trying to Okay, I'm going to add you here. Yeah, yeah, I'm so glad people are coming on stage. Thank you all for coming up on stage and answering the prompt. I always like to hear people's um different types of perspectives, you know?

SPEAKER_01 27:04

So we love you. I just want to say that. Everybody loves you.

SPEAKER_00 27:07

Oh, thank you. Thank you for coming back here. We love you and you're amazing. Thank you. What are your thoughts? Um, I saw you were in the comments. Tell me more about your um thoughts about this prompt.

unknown 27:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 27:20

And this is not, so here's the thing, like I'm a little misandrist, but this is not just towards men. I'm gonna be very diplomatic here. I think the people that are on dating apps um are not very thoughtful. I think they're not, they're not the type, they're there are types of people that in the real world, they cannot attract anyone, usually, right? Like there are people on dating apps who are just they're good looking and they're sociable and they're all of these things, of course, right? Good people are literally everywhere, but I mean the vast majority. And I think I think people tend to think that, like, okay, if I'm a good catch, if I'm a good woman or if I'm a good man and I look good and all this stuff, and I'm on hinge or I'm on whatever, then other people must also be that. And so when these quote unquote good people are running into these mismatches, they're not realizing that, like, you are not necessarily in the right place to find a match. These these sites are not meant to help people who could go out in the real world and find a part um on their own. It's not meant for them to find love. Um but now it doesn't even serve its well, the purpose that I personally believe it should serve. Dating apps used to be for nerds, and like I know because I was a nerd. Um, I don't remember what it's called. Uh, but there's like this there's a dating site, it's still up, and they used to have like this long personality quiz or something like that. But it was more of a so well, okay, it wasn't a social network, but it was more social than all the other like dating sites back then. Like POF was very like, you know, it was very much focused on just like getting you to a date, connecting you with people. But this side, like you could put like your political views. If you were conservative, you would put that on your profile. Like it it, if you were into BDSM, like they literally had questions for this, right? And they would give you a percentage based on these things. And I feel like more sites, like they used to lean in that direction where like people who were like on the fringes could find each other. Like if you were a cute golf babe, you could go find another dude with gauges and like pure black hair, and you guys could just run off into the sunset together. Yeah. And that used to be the purpose, and now it's just a bunch of creepy dudes trying to get lead because they can't get lead in real life.

SPEAKER_00 30:14

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, I use, I know I used, well, I was a a lazy dater. I'm not gonna lie. I used dating apps when I like worked in corporate. And I don't know, I kind of used it for like, I guess like outsourcing dating, just because my life was so busy. I don't use dating apps anymore. Um, but I know when I was on dating apps, I came across people who were serious and also people who just wanted to hook up. So um, and more often the hookups were on tender the hookup people were on Tinder, and then Hinge, I found that people were a little bit more serious than Tinder. So um I find that people are just so they're so focused on the surface level.

SPEAKER_01 31:36

And I think that's why a lot of people cannot find because there's too many options. The idea that you can say, okay, and this is what a lot of men do. I want a woman who is this race. Honestly, if they could pick the shade of brown, like if they could literally be like, okay, I want a black girl, but I want her to be Rihanna's color, like if they could do that, they would. They a hundred percent, they would pick the shade of or color. You can pick the height, you can pick, okay. I don't, I don't want, I don't want a vegan. Why is this an option? I can't. So it's like, it's like, what do you talk about on the first date if you know everything about this person because all of your preferences, like, that's the only thing you're searching for? Like, like, has this been your experience? Like, have you gone on a date with someone and they just like kind of knew things about you because it was just on your profile? Or like, how has that worked for you?

SPEAKER_00 32:32

Yeah, I've you know, I've had people find me like on Facebook, like after they've added me on Hinge, they found me on Facebook or Twitter and they looked me up on social media. Um, yeah, yeah. So I like I've I've I've had people know things about me or know that I knew someone that they knew. Um, and I don't know if that's a feature on Hinge. I think one of the sites um they show you like if you know someone that they know, and that's how they like match you. So I've experienced that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:07

I hate I hate those.

SPEAKER_00 33:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:10

So here's something interesting. I feel like matchmaking is coming back.

SPEAKER_00 33:19

Maybe I I think a lot of people feel like they don't have anything like like what is there to lose at this point. That may that may be, yeah. I mean because dating apps are like dead.

SPEAKER_01 33:38

I agree with that, and I'm a person I actually just started a match making service.

SPEAKER_00 33:42

Oh, you have tell us tell us more about like what oh yeah, so I'm a Muslim.

SPEAKER_01 33:48

I'm a Muslim, so um, I match Muslims and um I match converts. So people who convert to the religion, I match those people because they don't have like cultural matchmakers.

SPEAKER_00 34:04

Oh, got it. Can can you tell us more just about what types of things like the process of what people look for and how you match people together?

SPEAKER_01 34:17

Oh, definitely. So, first we start with this, right? We start with a complete inventory of every single person, and every single person gets a score. It's not a match score, it's a score based on the top, let's say, hundred things that the opposite gender is looking for. Like whatever the standard is, that's an we have an internal score for you, right? And so ideally, we're not necessarily trying to get people with similar scores. We use the score actually to convince people to not be so picky. So we have an internal score, we learn uh the preferences of each of each person. So instead of like clicking, like, I want a guy who's at least six foot or whatever, we actually take down all of that information. It's not in a system we like literally handwrite things on Zoom. Um and so we make a file for each person. And the way that we match people is is literally just we go through all of the files. And the biggest thing that we that we deal with are people that come to us and we've we've already given them a match and they say, okay, I'm declining. Okay, give us a reason. And then they give us a BS reason, and now we have to sort of basically, I know it sounds, it sounds insane. We have to convince them. And we have to bring them back to reality. It's kind of like when when men like, think of an old short, balded man that makes 50k a year. He's on Tinder, right? All of his preferences are for skinny, white, blonde, college educated, like literally maxing out on everything. Nobody's ever gonna tell that guy to come down to Earth. He is gonna keep using the app, keep harassing women, keep, you know, whatever, and he's gonna end up alone and sad. The way we do it is no, we're gonna take your money and then bring you down to Earth. We've got you a woman who's literally 10 years younger than you. You're freaking 45 years old. She's a 35-year-old woman, she's not skinny, but she's not fat either. Like, if like if you do not take this seriously, like you're just gonna end up, you know, unalia on your couch, basically. And so that's literally, and what I love about it is that these conversations are typically only had with the men. So I love that we get to like, you know, poke them a little bit and smack them around a little bit because that's what they come to us with this long list of things that they want. And I'm just like, okay, but you make $60,000 a year, buddy. And again, in with these dating apps, no one is gonna tell them that. They're gonna keep collecting their $29.99 a month for Tinder premium, and no one's ever gonna tell these guys. And this is literally what they pay for thousands of dollars.

SPEAKER_00 37:18

Yeah, it sounds like the opposite of dating apps. So yeah, no, that's um interesting. And actually, I would I would I would go to a matchmaker. Like if if I were looking for something in particular and I found I couldn't find anything, I would go um to a matchmaker. Um typically I meet people in person, but that's I feel like that's something I would go to Matt's to um a matchmaker over a dating app. If especially if I had to pay. Like that that's just a no-brainer. Because it does feel like dating apps are just like swiping, or people are not compatible, but they're trying to make people compatible with them, and it's just a mismatch. But um, thank you um so much for telling me more about your matchmaking and giving me your perspective. Thank you for asking. You're amazing, Pepper. Thank you. And um, feel free to come back next week for next week's topic. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 38:24

We'll definitely do that. Have a good night.

SPEAKER_00 38:26

You too. Thank you so much. And um also um, thank you. Um, I just saw reality-based. Thank you for the heart. I um appreciate that. Um okay, I see the PA show says I don't trust dating apps anymore. So far, everyone has come on stage or like no to dating apps. All right, would you like to come on and tell us more? I appreciate you all for sharing perspectives. I will say again, so far, most the the majority of people who I've spoken to say dating's at dating apps are not it. I know I'm not on a dating app anymore. I used to be about four years ago, and then I kind of just like just started to meet people organically, and I found that that works just so much better. So that's me personally. Um, would you like to come on? Oh, here. Okay, I'm going to bring you on. And then if if anyone else wants to come on as well, um, feel free to just say in the chat, hey, like I like to come up. So, hi, welcome back again. If I see you.

SPEAKER_02 39:28

Good evening, Pepper. Hope you had a great day today.

SPEAKER_00 39:32

I did, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 39:34

All right, so my I have quite a unique experience with dating apps. Um, so and and I'll be honest with you, like as like in the earlier, in my earlier days of dating apps, like there was like, I mean, I I guess you could say I had them all, like Match.com, Tinder, Hinge, you know, all those, all those things, right? In the earlier days of my dating app experience, I didn't know that dating apps are like filters. Like, for example, a lot of people on Tinder were looking for hookups. And I'm like, nah, I'm not trying to be with that crowd. You know, Match.com is like a little bit more serious, but the messages of fewer and far in between, you know, Hinge was a great experience for me, I'll give you that. Although I had my issues with them as well. But I will say, like, in my dating app experience, like people use the because and this kind of goes into your question here, are people using dating apps for the wrong reasons? I don't think that in a general sense, I don't think people use dating apps for the dating apps for the wrong reasons. However, it can be quite a filter machine. That's why I think people, it's like it feels right, but the basis of it is kind of wrong. You know, it's like because I was a guy that I'd be like, okay, oh, she's pretty, or she's pretty, she's beautiful. Because I I like diversity. You know, I love black women, but you know, there's beautiful women everywhere. You know what I'm saying? So I'll swipe on, you know, do whatever, whatever, boom, boom, boom. Might get like one or two matches and then get ghosted. You know what I'm saying? Or I might have a conversation, but then she'll just be like, oh, we're not compatible. You know, it is what it is at the end of the day. But here's where my uniqueness, here's the unique story about my dating apps. I matched with two women on Hinge before, and they were both married, looking for a third. And I was like, whoa. And and here's the thing that they they would they would match with me, I would message them, and they'll tell me, hey, this is what it is, but I like you and I like your energy. And I'm like, huh, this is interesting. Why am I matching with married women? And I've met people in the poly space, mostly women, that are married women, and we're talking committed marriages, and they do what they do, woo woo woo. But here's what I love about it is the fact that these women are gravitating to me even though they're committed in committed relationships. And this is kind of what kind of what I wanted to ask you in your dating spectrum. Have you ever had married folks approach you? And like what was because that was that was a really unique. And now, granted, things didn't really progress that far, but it's really unique to me because I want to be where the husband is, but the husband is doing what they're doing, but these women are looking at me as like a good second choice. It's like I don't like it, but I kind of like it in a sense. It's weird.

SPEAKER_00 43:18

It sounds like, and I I mean, from because I come from that world, I can't say it, it rhymes with a duck. It sounds like their husbands are ducks, maybe like and if you if you know what I mean, if you guys imagine if it sounds like they're ducks. Um or C U C K S.

SPEAKER_02 43:38

No, no, no, I I I understand what you mean.

SPEAKER_00 43:41

Or is it wait, so so they were just like you would be their lover, or you would literally be participating with Oh, oh no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 43:50

They didn't get things didn't go that far. Like, no, no, no, no. But they'll be like, okay, like like if things were to progress, we would like date, but she'll go back home. Like, nothing too crazy. Nothing progressed that far because I have too much respect for married women. But it was it was cool in a sense because it's like they're paying attention to me. Whereas I would look at a woman who was not married and matching with me on the dating app, and we're chatting, we're communicating, but then I get ready for a date. And I'll I don't tell you, this is a straw, this was a straw that brought the camels back with me. I was on hinge, matched with the young lady, we were talking, the energy was there, we communicated. I asked her out on a date. And she said, Yeah, I was like, cool. I set the date up and everything. You know, I was like, alright, we're gonna go here, we're gonna do this, such or so. Like, I I'm all about the details. I planned everything. Day before the no, no, not day before, day of, she messages me and she was like, Oh, I'm not going on the date. And I was like, and I was like, Well, damn, like you told me about this place, and I knew you really wanted to go, I really wanted to take you. And then her response to me was, You ain't got nobody else to go with. And I was like, I didn't respond back to her because she blocked me at that point. But my thing is, if you're asking me out, if you're letting me ask you out on a date and we're talking, you're telling me, Oh, it's like there's this place that I had never been to, I'm like, oh, I've been there. I would love to take you so you can experience it. And I plan everything down to the details, and then you cancel, and then you ghost me the day of the day for no reason. I was just like, you know what? I'm I'm done.

SPEAKER_00 45:41

Like, yeah, I mean, I can imagine. Well, this is what I think. This is from what this is just a thought that maybe partnered women may show more attention just because single women probably have more options, just because a partner woman is, you know, with her husband and she's not like out and about like a single woman. And then also to um, which I've seen, I guess on my side, with my line of work where married men, you know, obviously may come to me um not on dating apps or whatever, um, because for whatever reason, like they're not getting what they feel like they're getting in um marriage. So maybe that the the same thing, like maybe with women, like they may feel like they may not be getting attention or it's new and it's someone different than their husband. Like, you know what I mean? Like it's a new experience. Yeah, I get it.

SPEAKER_02 46:38

And I think that's and and and you you mentioned that, and I think that married or not, I've had a lot of a lot of women say that to me, or maybe not say that to me, but they'll be like, Oh, you're a good person, and it's unique to them because they're used to the toxicity. Like I've had so many I've had so many people telling, Oh my gosh, you're such a good person, you're a good guy. You know, any woman will want to be with you. Which is a backhanded compliment, by the way. And you know what I'm saying? It's just like, and you mentioned, you know, women have a lot of options. And that's, I think that's what gives women the advantage. You know, women control the dating apps. They can swipe, swipe, swipe. They'll be like, oh, I like this guy. Oh, I'll converse with this guy. I'll go on a date with this guy. I'll smash this guy. But then they look at me and be like, oh my God, like here's here's this, here's this dude. And they'll probably, they'll ghost me as like, and then they'll be like, oh, I was trying to protect you, quote unquote. And I'm like, oh Lord, here we go. It's it's it's a very weird conundrum where it's like, if I'm not top tier in their eyes, I'm nothing. Let's just keep let's just keep it a stat. Yeah, women like this, women like that. I could look good, but if I don't make enough money, then she don't want me. Or I can make enough money, but don't look good, and she definitely don't want me. It's weird. It's really weird. I see fall in the space, huh?

SPEAKER_00 48:09

Oh no, sorry. I just wanted to catch because I see somebody in the comments really, really quickly. I see in the comments somebody said dating apps are wicked work and top men. I don't know if you were responding to what he said. And then women treat rich men like they women treat rich men like they broke when they're comfortable.

SPEAKER_02 48:28

Uh I wasn't responding. I mean, I saw the comments, but I wasn't responding. So I'm like, I don't think dating apps are I don't think dating apps are bad. I'm not against them, but I just know that they're not for me because with my experience, like, all right, I'm putting myself out here, you know. I could do all the right things, have all the bells and whistles to get the wrong results. You know, and I've taken a step back. I was like, you know, I'm I'm not gonna do dating apps no more. Yeah, I'd rather date organically. You know, I'll I'd rather I'd rather go out and about at my usual hangout spots. Because you never know where you might meet somebody.

SPEAKER_00 49:06

Yeah, you know, I think with dating apps, like, I mean, this you have so many options, but I think it mirrors well, in a way, there are people like um Maya said previously, where people have unrealistic uh uh expectations on dating apps, and then also too, I think it's a compatibility thing, like, you know, it really is. I mean, like, I mean, would you really want to match with someone who's forcing themselves to like you, or would you want to, you know, match with someone who really likes you?

SPEAKER_02 49:41

Well, here's and here's and I'm glad you said that because my thing with women, and you're probably gonna throw a red flag at me, but my thing is be up front. I'd rather a woman just be like, Look, if like if we match, right? If you're not interested, I'd just rather you tell me, hey, I'm not feeling this. And I can walk away. But don't have me on here giving you this good energy, getting you to like I'll ask you out and you say yes, I plan everything, and then you ghost me. Like, that's foul, you know, and I think you know, I don't know why, and you you mentioned force. It's kind of hard for me to speak from a woman's point of view, like trying to look at it from her point of view, but I tr I tell her, like, I told him, like, look, if you don't, you ain't gotta like me. You don't have to, you you're free to do what you want to do. We're both single people. We grown. But just keep it real with me. I don't like being lied to, I don't like being ghosted. Well, nobody likes being lied to, but let's keep, but I'm just speaking for me. I don't like being lied to, I don't like being ghosted. I don't like being told one thing and then the other thing happens. You don't want me, you don't want me. That's your choice.

SPEAKER_05 50:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:58

But don't for don't force yourself to go on a date with me when you know that you are not interested. Don't waste my time.

SPEAKER_00 51:06

Yeah, I don't think it's a gender thing though, because like that's happened to me, like where I've um, you know, I was supposed to go out on a date and a guy may text me last minute and say, hey, I can't, like, I remember one time this guy was like, Hey, I can't, like, I ended up staying at this party longer than, you know, I th I thought I would. We're gonna have to reschedule, which I just blocked him because it's like, I don't know, like if you knew that you were going, like, you should have time, like, you should know how to time out your night, you know. So I mean, I think it's just I think some people would literally just like I said, I I don't know if I said it with you or the previous um um caller. Um I was saying that like um I just think some people just treat apps like dating apps, just like people are disposable, and like that's not okay. Like, you know, to kind of like like you said to ghost people or to change your plans, um, like five minutes before you are supposed to meet when you know that you really weren't gonna go. You know, I think people just kind of treat it like a game, and I think too, like they don't see people in person, so it's easier to ghost people and to kind of treat them a certain way. So, but um, I definitely understand the canceling last minute, like that's not a good feeling, like you know, you're dressed up and you put time into your night to or day to meet someone. Yeah, somebody in the comments said, Um, I am dub says social media has made us too accessible, and we feel that we have so many options when we don't. And um, I know that's what um Maya said as well, um, when she talked about uh matchmaking and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_02 52:57

So and by the way, and by the way, you're right, it's not it's not specific, it's not really a gender thing. Yeah, I was just speaking from my experiences, you know, yeah, because you know, women get ghost all the time, and women I would say women go through a lot more on the bad end of dating than men do. If if j just from what I'm saying, because women they suffer a lot, you know, at the hands of the wrong people, and they have these guards up, it makes it harder for them. Whereas if a guy like me comes along, it's foreign to them that I treat them well and that I do these things, and then they'll call me the safe option, you know, knowing that in their eyes, the safe option is not the man that they want, but it feels like they're settling, you know, and I don't want to come into a space where you know I'm coming to you and then sure you've had your negative experiences, but I'm not out here trying to, you know, or I'm I'm not trying to do anything negative. I'm just out here, I'm look I'm trying to live a good quality life, and I want to explore. And I want to ask you this. I I I wanna I want to ask you this. How do you feel about dating multiple people at the same time?

SPEAKER_00 54:13

Um, I think I think people should. I mean, I would well no, not not should. I think it's okay. I think people have the right to have a preference. Um I'm all for it, and I don't mind if people who I'm dating are dating other people too. I think we should and me me personally, I don't think anyone should do anything, but I approve of people keeping their options open for sure. Especially when people, like you said, play around. Like I'm not gonna have my attention with one person, and then they're they're kind of playing around, and I turn down someone else, and then so I feel that.

SPEAKER_02 54:52

You know, I've never been, I'll be honest, I've never been one to date multiple people at the same time. Like, I I can't do it. Or it's not that I can't do it, it's just it's it's not it's not for me because you never know, something may something may happen. You know, if I'm dating five girls at once, and then the first girl is really talking about the things that I want to talk about while the other women may give me strings and this and this, I'd rather go one by one. You know, of course, people are free to do as they choose, but if I go on a date with you, if I'm dating you, I'm just using you for the sake of argument. That means I see something in you and I want to develop the connection that we have. If you choose not to go further, then you know, not to go further, then then it is what it is. I'll be like, all right, on to the next. You know, I'll move on. But I can't have women as I'm not gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna go on a date with you tonight, and then I got another date with this woman tomorrow, and then I got this date and this day. While I am free to do that, you know, I don't want women to be like, oh, I mean, I don't want to call you and be like, oh yeah, I'm going on another date. You'd be like, why are you dating other girls? Why are you talking to other girls? You know what I'm saying? I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to have that smoke.

SPEAKER_00 56:03

Yeah, well, like I date other though, I'll bring up people if some like if it's if it comes up naturally, but I don't go out of my way to tell another person, hey, I'm gonna go out with this other guy on Friday. Like, I'm just not gonna tell him. Um, like if if I'm sexually active, which I rarely do if it is multiple people, um, I'm up front, obviously, because you know, that's somebody's else, somebody else's sexual risk and stuff like that. But if I'm like not having sex with other people and I'm dating, like I'll just do it. I'm just more discreet, but I'm not gonna like hide it from the person. I'm gonna give them consent as well. You know? So it's fun, but I know it's different for men too, because for the most part, and I don't and I'm not gonna make any assumptions, but I know men typically pay for dates, so I can see how too like that as well. Like, of course, it's gonna be easier for me, like it's not coming out of my pocket, like to date multiple. Would you pay for a date for men? Or have you? Would you? No, no. Okay, that that that's that's fair. That's fair. Yeah, no, it's it's just a personal preference.

SPEAKER_02 57:16

Yeah, yeah, I I respect that because that and that's that's a no-brainer for me. I I'll pay for the date, you know. That that's that's no problem. You know, if especially if I'm the one doing all the planning and stuff, like I'll pay for the date, I'll pay for it, I'll pay for the experience. And that's one thing that even in my age where I don't want to just do like casual, like just dates anymore. Like, I don't want to do just dinner and then go home. I want to go places where we're gonna actually do like actual activities, yeah, and then maybe sit down and do something, maybe do something else. I want to experience. Yeah, I want to I want to give the woman that I'm on a date with an experience. And what I would love to do, like the perfect date for me that I would love to do is where we spend the entire day together, like the entire day. We're talking breakfast here, going do a couple of activities, tea shop, you know what I'm saying? Go here, do this, might go to a concert that night. You know, I would love to spend an entire day with my person. It hasn't happened yet, but I would love to, you know, because I'm I'm all about it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:25

Yeah, yeah. I'm all for experiences. That's how I view dating. Like I like to go to museums and or you know, a painting class or hiking, you know, things that expand your world for um both of us. Um, and that's honestly, that is like why I date. Like I like the experiences. I like adding chapters to my life of doing activities too, um, that expands. Good.

SPEAKER_02 58:51

Would you like to go on a date with me then?

SPEAKER_00 58:55

I don't know. You're a stranger.

SPEAKER_02 58:57

I know, I know. I'm I'm sorry. I I had to do it. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 59:01

No, yeah, no, no, it's okay. No, yeah, yeah. You um shoot you shot your you shoot your shot. Shoot your shot.

SPEAKER_02 59:08

But I must go, but I appreciate the conversation.

SPEAKER_00 59:12

Yeah, yeah. Um thank you. Thank you for coming on, and feel free to come on for next week's conversation as well.

SPEAKER_02 59:16

All right, see you then.

SPEAKER_00 59:18

Thanks. Um, I am done. Oh, let me read the comments. So you said the safe the safe options equals the placeholder. I want to do activities and not sit at a table to see who has table managers. Honestly, I'm not gonna lie, like a first date I have done like restaurant um, you know, settings for a first date. I do think activities help for me personally, personally, like an icebreaker. And I think it's r really fun like when you're doing an activity where you get to get to know the person and their character um and their personality through actual activities. That's me personally, um, but I know people are different. I am dub. Would you like to come on and share your perspective? I'm sitting on my leg. Um, if not, no worries. I can read your comments in the um in the chat. Um, if anyone else would like to come up, I'll just refresh the room. Tonight's question is are you using dating apps for the wrong reason? Or sorry, are people using dating apps for the wrong reason? Um, if nobody else wants to come up, I will close out, but I will leave room for anyone who likes to come up and be the final person to share your perspective. Do you agree with the the prompt? Um, are you on dating apps? Has that been your experience? If not, why not? For me, I'm gonna be honest, like, and maybe I'm just lucky, but dating apps have been great. I'm not on there anymore just because I'm gonna be honest, like, if you think about it, it's like a lot of strangers, and I do watch a lot of crime documentaries. I'm not gonna lie, like I said, there are there are serial ills on on dating apps. That's scary, like with all the stories that you hear, traffickers and all that kind of stuff. And it's just for me, I rather just meet someone who I know through another person who can vouch for you. Like I the people every person I've had interaction with, I've known through I've known them through some way, or I like it's not like like I've seen them and they're not just like like strangers off the street or something like that. And that's how dating apps feel like to me personally. So that's kind of like how I think. And yeah, I'm not on dating apps, and I honestly I I'm not gonna go on any dating apps in the future. I'm gonna be honest. That was in the past, like in my my my 20s, and I I'd rather just meet people out in the wild and see your facial expressions and see if you're weird or not, even though people can be weird in person as well, but I don't know, it's just easier that way. Um thank you for the love too. I see we're at 759 hearts. Thank you so much. Thank you for those who followed tonight. Um I will be expanding more on this topic on my What He's Thinking series on SubSec. Feel free to check out the link in my bio to meet me over there. I'm going to expand more. And then on Wednesday, I have a podcast where there are certain things I can't say on here. And I'm going to say it on my podcast, Spicy Spectrum, and that's on all audio streaming platforms. So check me out. And thank you for joining me. Thank you for all of the guests who came on. Thank you all for being so respectful. And I like to summarize what I heard. The summary is dating apps are trash. After every I my conclusion from the people who have who have gone and come up on this stage is that dating apps are are terrible. I'm not saying you I'm not I'm not saying you should or you shouldn't, but that that that is the conclusion. Everyone has said it. And me and me personally, dating apps, I feel like you can find love, you can find your um partner on there, or you can't. It's it's either a hit or miss. It's either a hit or miss. I'm not gonna lie. So I I like dating. Mr. X said, are you single? I'm single, and I'm also dating, so I guess, yeah, him single. Um, but yeah, so that's the conclusion of tonight. I have yet to see anyone in the chat or come up and say anything positive about dating, except for me, about dating apps. And again, like I used dating apps in the past because I wanted to outsource dating because I was really busy, and I it it did help with time because I was a news producer and I would work really late, and I just I had really odd hours. Like, I would like work from like 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. because I work for the morning news, and it's like I would sleep during the day. So, like it was just terrible. So I was like, well, let me just use a dating app to help me with my life, and so that's that's how I did it, especially during COVID. I use dating apps, but not anymore. It's too many weird. I'm sorry. Like, you just don't know who you're talking to. So, anyway, um, I hope you enjoyed the live. Thank you so much for coming on. And as usual, we're we're here every Monday, 7 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. And thank you so much for joining me. Thank you all for joining me, and I hope you have a wonderful week. Bye. I always do this when I try to close it out and then I just stare at the way.

unknown 1:05:06

Bye.