SPEAKER_01 1:17

A man tells you I love my wife. Then you find out he's seeing someone else. And your first thought may be No, you don't. Because if you really loved her, you wouldn't be doing this.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

And I understand that reaction from the outside, love and betrayal seem impossible to hold at the same time. But after years of talking to married men, I've learned that those words are not always a lie. And a man can love his wife and still hurt her. And this is what makes this conversation so uncomfortable. Welcome back to Spicy Spectrum. It's your dream girl, Peppercat. And today we're talking about why a man may say, I love my wife, while still seeing someone else. I originally wrote about this subject on what he's thinking on Tuesday, and which is my subsect, where I translate the patterns I've noticed after years of hearing what men say privately. We also discussed it during Spicy Spectrum Live this past Monday, and I wanted to bring that conversation here because the relationship between love, desire, and commitment is much more complicated than people make it seem. Before we begin, I want to make my position clear. Understanding why someone cheats does not require you to approve it, approve of it. And it doesn't mean the betrayal, the betrayed pattern partner, the betrayed partner should forgive him or remain in the relationship or ignore her own pain. Understanding and approval are two different things. So I just want to say that. So let's get into this very spicy episode. I have directly asked married men, do you love your wife? And many of them answer yes without hesitation. And then they begin describing her. So they may say something like, She's an incredible wife. She's an incredible mother. She's my best friend. We've built an amazing life together. We've been married all these years. I couldn't imagine my life without her. And they speak with genuine admiration and affection. And you can hear that the relationship really matters to them. Then the same man tells me he is talking to another woman. He's visiting a professional, or he's exploring something he has never shared with his wife. And so for many women, that makes absolutely no sense, right? The instinctive response is I love her. If I loved her, you wouldn't be here, right? But the man may be separating love from desire in his mind. And so he associates his wife with family, with trust, history, partnership, and the light that they've built together. But on the outside, the outside experience occupates a different mental space. And so this doesn't make the deception that's happening acceptable, but it does explain how he can make both statements without necessarily believing that either one is false. And so he may genuinely love his wife. He is also making choices that can deeply hurt her at the same time. And both realities can exist at once. And so I think people often combine love and desire and commitment as if they are one emotion that they are they are connected, but they're not always identical. And so love is the emotional bond you have with someone. At the same time, desire is the sexual or erotic energy you experience with someone, and commitment is the agreement you make and the behavior required to honor that commitment. And a person may feel love without experiencing much sexual desire, right? He may strongly desire someone he doesn't love. That happens a lot on adult side. A lot of my clients don't love me and I don't love them back, right? But he's desiring how I look. He's desiring the fantasy I'm creating for him. He's desiring the sexual experience he's having. And he may love his partner while failing to behave in a way that protects their commitment. All of this can happen at once, right? But that but that last part matters. Saying I love you describes an emotion. It doesn't automatically prove that someone is acting honesty, with with honesty or respect or care for their partner. And love is not the same as good rel quote unquote good relationship behavior. A man's feelings may be genuine while his choices are still selfish. And I believe that distinction allows us to really understand what he means without erasing what he did. And so I like I said before, people can love someone and still hurt them. But it can also involve someone being selfish, or it can be poorly expressed. Whether someone accepts that type of love, that's a different story. Walks away or stays, right? And when a married man seeks attention outside his relationship, for example, he goes on a campsite, he calls a phone set sign, he sees an escort, he goes to a strip club. People often assume he wants to replace his wife when he's doing that. But that is not always what he's looking for. Most of the time, that's not what he's looking for. And the ones who are in commit quote unquote committed relationships, that's he's not looking for another wife. He may want access to a particular fantasy or some sort of sexual dynamic, or he may want a part of himself that does not exist inside of his marriage. But that doesn't automatically mean that his wife failed him. It may mean the two of them may have different interests, or they may not be sexually compatible. And I've met men who have had fantasies that their wives knew about or simply did not want, or that their wives simply did not want to participate in. They didn't feel comfortable. So they so they made some agreement to come into the adult world. And so a wife may simply say, This isn't for me. I'm not into that. I'm not doing it. Right. And marriage doesn't require someone to perform every sexual act their partner desires. Uh anyone on both sides, they are not required to do anything they don't want to do. And I I don't, I'm not of the belief that just because someone's married, that they have to do a certain sexual act because their partner said so. I am of the belief, and this may be controversial, that if a partner is not into something and they have some mutual agreement that they can outsource that that sexual experience elsewhere elsewhere. I am of the full I am, I know some people aren't gonna like this. I am I fully believe that if there's consent between a wife and a husband that she's not comfortable with doing something or he's not comfortable with doing something, that it should be outsourced because they're gonna do it anyway. My clients who are into farting or burping or whatever, or whatever the case may be, they get caught watching some porn, right? And their wife or partner says, Stop watching it. I don't, I don't, I don't want you watching it. And then the partner says, Okay, cool, he's still going to do it. He's he's gonna be more sneaky about it, but he's still going to do it. So I am of the belief of outsourcing ethical ways of having your needs met. If you have a sick partner, I am of the belief of outsourcing, outsourcing that. We literally had a guest who was a male escort say that he sees he has seen wives where their husband knows that she's seeing this male escort for a sexual experience because he is sick or he cannot perform, vice versa. I have spoken to men who have sick wives where they may have an agreement or not, and they are outsourcing um a sexual experience that that other partner cannot provide. I know that's a hard truth for some people to swallow, but that's just the truth. They're going to do it regardless. And I am of the belief to have a mutual agreement to outsource a sexual fantasy, something that someone may not feel comfortable with because they're gonna do it anyway. And if they're going to do it, you might as well have a safe space to do it, right? Instead of someone sneaking behind your back and bringing you an SCD and you don't know what's going on. I literally I have spoken and I have spoken to guys, especially on the phone, who may not cheat physically, but they're calling a phone sex line. But they have a partner, but they're not putting their penis and random women, but they're on the phone sex line. You may disagree that he he shouldn't be doing it anyway, but he is going to do it some way, somehow, online looking at IG models, going on campsites, OnlyFans, visiting visiting an escort. He's going to do it. Doesn't matter. Like, and I I don't I don't believe that someone can completely disregard their own desires and bury it. It's going to come out, even if it's for a couple of years, they may not do it. It's going to happen regardless. And so the question then becomes what the couple does with that, right? What when I the question, sorry, I lost my train of thought. The question then becomes, like, when it comes, when it comes to um a partner's desires, what does that couple do with that, right? So they can decide that that fantasy someone has will remain a fantasy. They can explore a compromise, they can negotiate outside of the experience with a professional with a dominatrix, they can discuss opening the relationship. And they may even discover that the difference is too important to ignore. They may truly be sexually incompatible, and so healthy couples do not need to agree on every desire. They do need enough honesty to decide what is and what is not permitted within their relationship. And that is the difference. You know, people may put down open relationships, but what what I've seen is that people are more honest in open relationships than in reluct in quote unquote committed monogamous relationships. There's a lot of dishonesty happening on the on the second option. And oftentimes a lot of open relationships, um, a lot of them get more S T D testing compared to monogamous relationships. And so when that conversation never happens, when it comes to desire, the desire does not necessarily disappear. It's going to move underground. So I am a true believer in having open conversations, being honest with someone, with what you like, what you want, so that no one gets hurt. You're not passing around SCDs, you're not harming someone, not giving someone consent to be in a relationship that's not what they thought it would be. Someone thought they were in a monogamous relationship, and all of a sudden someone's cheating, right? Just being honest with open conversations saves a lot of headache. I can tell you one thing. My clients who are in relationships that are open and honest, it's a lot of the stress of us having a session, it's a lot of there is rarely any stress as as opposed as um compared to my clients who are secretive, who are hiding in garages and cars and clothes. It's like it's just it's just life is easier, it's more easy when you're honest. And I want to be very clear about the difference between an agreement and a betrayal. I have met clients whose wives knew exactly where they were. I have them right now. I'll have clients who know that their wives know about me, and the couple has already discussed the boundaries. The husband may have been allowed to explore a particular fantasy with a professional through a certain site, and that's that's campsites, that's an escort, that's a dominatrix, that's um phone sex because his wife didn't want to participate in it herself. And so that's how they outsource that. And that arrangement will not work for every relationship. I understand that, but it's not automatically cheating when both partners have knowingly agreed to do it, and every relationship writes its own rules, right? But the problem begins when one person secretly changes those rules, which happens often, right? That's that's why you're listening to this podcast, right? It happens without them knowing, and you're not giving another person a choice or consent to even be in that type of relationship. And you don't get to call something an open relationship when only one person what you do not get to call something an open relationship when only one person knows it's open. It's just cheating, okay. You do not get to say you were quote unquote protecting your wife when you were also denying her information that can affect her health, that can affect her emotional well-being. Because that changes somebody's life. That's that's traumatizing when you cheat when when when you've been cheated on. Or decision to remain in the marriage, not giving her a choice as to whether she wants to stay or not, because she doesn't know what's happening. And I'm I'm I'm saying she, and because I know a lot of times people will listen to my show or look at my content and say, but women cheat too. Women are not my clients. I have a couple, but they're not the majority of my clients. So we're talking about men who cheat or who are secretive. All right. So, and agreement gives both people agency and secrecy that secrecy, you being secret, takes away that agency from someone. And so I've heard Mary Men say on the opposite side of I love my wife, or it's not the opposite side, but in addition to that, I've also heard men say, I don't see my wife that way, or I don't see my wife that way anymore. And so I know those statements can sound cruel, but it doesn't always mean he thinks she's unattractive. And in fact, it doesn't have anything to do with her. A lot of times people think cheating or being secreted have something to do with the wife. He may still believe she is beautiful, it's nothing personal, right? He may admire her deeply and remain em emotionally attached to her. Um, but that doesn't lost my train of thought. Brain fart, brain fart, brain fart. That the role he has in her mind or in his mind of her does not change. Right? She is still the person he trusts, she's still the person um sh he may rely on, he comes home to. Their relationship may revolve around women or children or the household or some responsibilities that come with that, work schedules, right? Solving daily problems. And over time, they may begin functioning more like business partners or roommates than lovers. And the affection may still be there, but the erotic energy becomes buried under the daily routine and he gets bored. And I'm not of the belief that long-term relationships can't maintain desire, but I do believe that it does require some sort of attention. I do believe that's something that should that should always be discussed. Because sexual energy, when you have sexual energy, right, it needs A space for play. It needs a space for novelty, privacy, using your imagination and seeing your partner as an individual rather than only seeing them as a person who helps around the house or who takes care of the children. And so I want I want I want you to think about this because I do hear this a lot. When was the last time that you felt like lovers instead of parents or roommates or co-workers running a household? People often assume that loving one person should eliminate attraction to someone else. I'm going to say that again. People often assume that loving one person should eliminate attraction to someone else. That is unrealistic. We are still humans. I see this a lot on both sides. I see people viewing their partners as in terms of ownership and not acknowledging the fact that your partner is still human. You can still find other people attractive and still love someone. And I think when somebody says that's not possible, you are you are denying your partner's humanity.

SPEAKER_01 26:45

All right.

SPEAKER_00 26:58

Marriage does not automatically, or any any kind of relationship, right? Does not automatically switch off someone's ability to note to notice or desire other people. Okay. Someone being in a committed relationship does not mean that there is an absence of outside attraction to other people. And it is my belief that it's how a person chooses to handle that attraction within the agreements of a relationship. And so a married man may love his wife and still feel drawn toward novelty, fantasy, or another person. And feeling desire is not automatically the betrayal. The betrayal occurs when he acts against the agreement that they've had, or he hides information, or builds a private life that removes his partner's ability to make an informed choice. And so this is why I separate emotions from behavior, and I think that's a good way to look at it. A lot of times people just jump to conclusions when it comes to this topic, but the one thing I've learned from working in this industry is the my pattern recognition is based on my client's behavior, not what they say, what they do. And a person cannot always control the first feeling that enters his mind, but he is also responsible for what he does and what he decides to do with that. And so, from my experience, men often say they hide something because they didn't want to hurt their wife, right? He didn't want to tell his wife he's cheating. I understand why they describe it that way, but I also question whether protection is the right word when it comes to that. Because if the truth can change her decision or her choice to remain in the relationship, hiding it is not purely about protecting her, it's about protecting you. It's about protecting the marriage you know it as. It's about protecting your reputation. Let's be honest. It's about your fear. And I'm talking to the men, it's about the fear of losing access to her, to your children, to your home, to money, or the stability of your current life. You like it the way it is, and you don't want to mess that up. And I know that because you tell me. So um, that is very different from protecting her, and real protection would require considering her emotional and physical well-being and re-respecting the boundaries she agreed to and allowing her to make decisions using the information that she has. And secrecy, oftentimes, secrecy protects a person keeping the secret from the consequences that come with that. So that doesn't mean that he feels love that he does he does not have love for his wife, but it does mean his fear, his comfort, his self-interest may be influencing his behavior more than his love in that moment. Some of the fears I hear directly from my partner clients include um the following: some may be hiding, you know, something because they don't want their wife to see them differently. This usually comes up if um they're bisexual, if they like being dominated or they like to dress more feminine. Um, they may be a cuck. Um anything that makes their identity look different in terms of how they their wife views them. That may be why they hide, right? This may come from the fear of being secretive. He may assume that she may reject his kink or fantasy. Another one is he may not want the marriage to end. He don't he doesn't want to pay the fee to get a divorce. Like he's he's he's comfortable lying, right? About what he's into or what he's doing, and also her not knowing. That's that's that's comfortable for him. Um, his family or community might may find out. You know, I've said this before, I'll say it again. Uh, he may, you know, be from a religious community, he may be from a more conservative environment, but what he does behind closed doors is opposite of that. He may sleep with trans women, he may fantasize about them, he may be into him being submissive, even though in his community, women may be expected to be submissive, so that may contradict his beliefs. He may have to admit that the his identity has changed. And finally, one of the fears that a lot of my married um client, my male clients have is the fear of losing the life they built. They don't want anything to disrupt their image, their mask they're wearing. They don't want anything to interfere. That's why when he calls me or when he comes to me for a session, after we're done, we're done. He may come next month. And then he returns back to his normal life. So a man may tell himself, my wife would never understand. And my next question would be Did you actually tell her? And I've met men who who have predicted how their wives would react without even having the conversation. I'm gonna be honest, I've been in relationships where men have made assumptions about how I may react. Now, this is not anything in terms of like a sexual fantasy. This is anything. For me personally, I'm not talking about him like having a sexual fantasy and making assumptions about I'm talking about anything. He may not even he just may me anything, uh assumptions about how I may react, period, to anything, right? And so, but when it comes back to them, they may have built an entire rejection inside their own minds without even even figuring out if their partner may be into it. She may want to peck you, she may want to spread those booty cheeks and bin you over. You don't know that. You don't know if she may be into that or not. And their fear, their their fear may be connected to shame that existed way before the relationship. Religion, family expectations, gender roles, or previous experiences with partners may have taught them to hide certain parts of themselves. And so he believes that submission makes him weak, or he may assume his wife will lose respect for him. If he begins questioning his sexuality, for example, after years of marriage, he may not have he may have no idea how to explain that to you. Or if he realizes he's bisexual, for example, he may have heard you say something about bisexual people or make a gay joke, right? Or he may fear that his wife will assume the entire marriage was fraud fraudulent. If, and I I giggle because I'm I said her and I was trying to guess F words with F are really hard for me to say sometimes. They're really challenging. So if his desires do not match the man he has presented presented himself to be, telling the truth may feel like destroying his identity. And so those fears are very real. They still don't give him permission to deceive his partner, especially with SCD and um causing physical harm as a result of that. And so he also cannot honestly claim that she rejected the real him if he never allowed her to meet that version of him to begin with. And so people continue learning about themselves. Um when his identity does begin changing, people can people are still continuing to learn about themselves even after someone is married. I'm still personally learning about myself. Like every year, even every couple of months, I'm still learning things about myself. I'm still molding who I am. I I'm not, you know, who I am now is not who I am probably in six months. Like I'm still molding who I am. I'm still molding my life, philosophy. I'm learning who what I like and what I don't. And that's and that goes for anyone. And so a wedding does not automatically freeze somebody's identity forever. And that's just the truth. A man may understand who who he is sexually differently at 55 than he did when he was 25, right? He may recognize desires he spent years suppressing, or he may finally have the actual language for something he has felt since childhood. And he may also realize that he built his life around the person everyone expected him to be. And so that realization can create a crisis. It can it it can create a whole bunch of things, right? In terms of cheating, in terms of secrecy, or in terms of him completely changing who he is and how he does things. So he may genuinely genuinely love his wife while also recognizing that his current life does not make room for everything he now understands about himself. I see it so many times. I can tell you how many times I have spoken to men where they say, I didn't realize I actually like this, or something triggered this thought that came out to be now. Or, yes, when I was a child, I did think about sexual experiences with men. I never acted on it, I never thought about it later, but right now, like something triggered me to explore that or think about it more. And so the responsible path is an honest conversation. I've said that before, but I'm saying it again. And even if that conversation changes the marriage, an outside relationship may delay that conversation, let's be honest, but it can't answer the deeper questions for him. And so another person may provide temporary freedom, like me. I may provide a husband of temporary freedom, but that cannot integrate his identity. I cannot integrate my client's identity on his behalf until he becomes honest with himself and who he really is, right? What he's really into, he will carry that same unresolved conflict into every single relationship. And again, I've seen that every single time. Or not every single time. I've seen that I've seen I've seen that a lot, where a man will have a secret fantasy, and each relationship he'll have it, and he there be he won't share that part of himself with his partner ever. I've even seen a guy like I'll I'll have a client who's married when he sees me, right? He won't share the fantasy, he gets a divorce, he gets a girlfriend, he still comes, he still comes to me for that secret fantasy, and he doesn't tell her. And the cycle continues over and over and over and over again. When some men say I love my wife, they may also mean I love our life. Okay, and they love the home, they love the history, they love how comfortable it is, they love the children, the social circle, the stability connected to the marriage he has with you. And so they may not know where their individual identity ends and the shared life and where the shared life begins. And so that attachment is real, but it also raises an important question that I want you to think about. And that is, does he love his wife as a complete person? Or is he primarily attached to what the marriage provides? Hmm. Oh yeah. Pepper is going there, and so there may be no simple answer. He can care deeply about her while also fearing the disruption of divorce. It's expensive. He doesn't want to pull out his wallet, he doesn't want to split everything, he likes life the way it is. So he has a wife, and then he has a mistress, and then he has a side chick, then he has this, and he has a girlfriend, he has all this, and he keeps everything separate because he likes his life the way it is. Right? And emotional love or financial stability, a family structure, and personal comfort may all be tangled into all together, all that can be combined as to why he's not telling you the truth, and that is why actions often reveal more than words. Again, I said it before. Actions speak louder than words. And I hold it with my clients too. For example, if a guy says he wants to book a session, that doesn't mean anything until you send me the money. I don't, I don't, I don't, you know, I don't want to hear, maybe, maybe today, you know, oh, I'll be available maybe this, maybe that. I don't even take those guys seriously. So that's how I behave in my world. And in the real world, I'm sure others, and you included, may trust actions over words of somebody and and what they say and what they promise, right? Karen? He may say, I love my wife. That tells me how he's describing his feelings, but the way he treats her, the way he treats his wife, tells me what that love looks like in practice. Okay. Paker is preaching today. Okay, and so when a woman discovers a betrayal, right? He's cheating. She found something in his phone. He's on a porn site. She didn't know he watched porn. He lied about that. She may begin rewriting the entire relationship. She may ask herself, was any of this real? How long did this happen? Did he ever love me? Was our whole marriage a lie? Those questions are understandable because betrayal damages your sense of reality. Again, it can be traumatic. And you are not only grieving the act of what happened, but you're also questioning your own memories, right? You're replaying everything in your mind of what happened before you found out, and you're trying to put the pieces together. And the reason why I'm saying you when it comes to when I'm speaking on men and women is because I know I have both men who I'm speaking about listening to me right now, and I also have women who are searching for answers because that may be happening in your life if it hasn't happened already. So I'm giving the answers to both of you, all right? At least I'm trying to. And I hope that what I've been saying is making sense, all right. I'll also say this proving that he never loves you may not bring you the clarity you expect when it comes to finding out the lie, right? The more revealing question I want you all to think about is what did love mean to him? Because love to him may be different than what you consider what love is. Love is just a word. It it could be a word, but it's also an action too. And those two, again, you all may not be compatible, and then you find that out later on, which is why I'm a bit a big advocate again for having honest conversations, even if it's uncomfortable. Cause look, what what love means to him, it could be relating to how he views honesty and how you view honesty, right? Did he believe that providing financially proved his love while also keeping sexual secrets? Right? Did he separate love from sexual exclusivity, even though his wife didn't? Did he love her back but lack the maturity to protect the relationship? Did love mean partnership? Did you know two people can use the same word such as love while assigning it completely to different things to two different responsibilities? And a woman may believe, oh, if I tell if you if you love me, you tell me the truth, right? And her husband may believe, I love you, so I hid everything that could disrupt our life. Those definitions are incompatible. We have a lot of people walking around who are not compatible with one another. That's the problem. His definition doesn't erase the injury caused by his actions of stepping out and cheating, cheating, and not telling the truth. But it also helps to explain how he justified them to himself. It it explains who he who he is now. So now you know. You shouldn't have to find out that way again. Honest, again, honesty is the best policy when it comes to being compatible. But let's be honest. Somebody finds out who their partner really is when you find out that they're cheating. That's when you find out that they're bisexual. That's when you find out that they're really into this sexual fantasy. And that's un that's very unfortunate. Right? So before assuming that he stopped loving his wife, I want you to ask I want you to consider these questions. Was he looking for another relationship or an experience? Right? What role did his wife occupy in his mind? Like what what how how how does he see a wife? Because how you see yourself as a wife may be different with how he sees his wife, right? We had an adult entertainer on our show where she said, and she experienced she was an adult entertainer, she still is. She got married, but prior to that, he sexually desired her. But when they got married and they had kids, he looked at her differently afterwards. Right? So that happens. Pepper's going there. Ooh. Uh-oh. Was he uh if he could have spoken honestly, what would he have said and could you take it? Hmm. And finally, are you trying to understand what happened or prove that none of the love was real? Just something to think about. Something to think about. And so I want to return to accountability before we close out because I know I said a lot, but I know. I know this information is valuable, so keep listening. We're we're almost down to the finale. Just hold on, hold on to your seats. Love is not a defense against the consequence of betrayal. So if he says, I love my wife, that doesn't erase lying and cheating. And it most certainly doesn't restore informed consent, exposing your partner to STDs, to health risks, due to a secret sexual contact that that may create. And it does not mean that she owes you forgiveness. It also doesn't mean his permission to make decisions about her life without her knowledge. That doesn't give him the right to do that. And the purpose of understanding all this is not to pressure women into staying. I don't think you should if you don't want to. If if if you stay, that's your business. But it it what I'm saying all this because I want you to recognize that human behavior cannot always be divided into simple categories, black and white, love or no love, good or bad person. Life is complicated, all right. And so a person can feel love and they can behave in a deeply harmful way at the same time. So the lesson is not that love makes betrayal less serious. I want to be really clear about that. The lesson is that love alone is not enough to create a healthy relationship. And so honesty, respect, communication, honest communication, open, uncomfortable communication, compatibility, which is a huge one, and accountability all matter. And so by the time a married man tells another woman or a cam model, a phone sex operator, an escort, a dominatrix, I love my wife. The real story may have started months or years earlier. And so maybe the couple stopped relating to each other as lovers. Maybe he buried a part of his sexuality. Maybe he changed and did not know how to admit that out loud or admit it to himself that this is who he really is. Maybe the relationship was no longer compatible. Or maybe he may also have wanted the benefits of having a marriage and being married without accepting the limits of the agreement. So whatever the reason is, another relationship rarely solves the problem. So it may distract him, it may, it may be temporarily giving him an outlet, but it can also introduce him to another version of himself. So the un the unanswered questions follow him until he confronts himself and who he really is. So that is the conversation I believe, as someone who speaks to married men, and I see and hear what they may not say out loud and what goes on. That is the conversation more couples need to have before silence becomes distance. And before that distance becomes someone having secrets that they're not being honest about. And then obviously, what happens to secrecy? Secrecy ends in betrayal. So if you are dealing with a situation like this and you are listening, like everything she said, this relates to my life. And you and you feel like you have something that you don't feel comfortable talking about with other people in your life, it may be something taboo, it may be something that you may be embarrassed about because I Pepper has heard it all. Trust me, I don't judge over here. If you're a man or woman having these thoughts, and you relate to what I said in this episode, and you want more answers, I offer Pepper's perspectives. These are private one-on-one audio conversations where we can discuss relationships, desires, fantasies, communication, adult content, situations that may require a judgment-free perspective that you may not be able to find elsewhere. I've been receiving great feedback from what um the book, the booked conversations I've had already. Pepper's perspective is not therity. I want to be therapy. I want to be real clear about that. This is an educational conversation informed by my real life experiences speaking to thousands of men about sex, fantasy, relationships, and the parts of themselves that they rarely show anyone else. That is the information I hold. So you can find more information at designerdreamgirl.com or the link in the show notes. When you go to designyourdreamgirl.com, go under the spicy spectrum tab and you'll find all the information. You can also visit spicyspectrumpcast.com and the link will be in the in the description on the home page of spicyspectrumpcast.com. It'll be lit, it'll be labored, labeled Pepper's Perspectives, and there'll be a link and you'll just click and click it. So I also discuss this subject on Spicy Spectrum Live this past Monday. I will be returning this upcoming, or I guess, yes, the the the Monday coming up at 7 p.m. until 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time on TikTok. If you joined me um this past Monday, thank you so much for joining the conversation. And if you missed it, the video the video replay will be available on what he's thinking on Subsect and Spicy Spectrum After Dark on Patreon. And if you want the audio version and you don't care to see me, that's fine. You can also listen to the audio version available at spicyspectrumpcast.com. Um, so yeah, so you can become a spicy supporter through any of those platforms. The video replays are on Subsec and Patreon, audio, spicy, spicyspectrumpcast.com. And also again, check out my YouTube channel, Spicy Spectrum Podcast. Just type it in. I post weekly clips, long form content beyond the episode. Um, check it out, please. Subscribe. You can see my beautiful face and hear my beautiful voice at the same time. The link is also in the show notes to subscribe or literally type in Spicy Spectrum Podcast on YouTube. It'll be when you see that pepper that looks like a penis, that's us right there. Just just click it. All right. So thank you so much for listening, listening to Spicy Spectrum. Um, to recap what we've spoken about, to close out, I want to leave with this. A man saying I love my wife does not automatically mean he is lying. It also doesn't make his choices loving. The more revealing questions are what love means to him, what he was afraid to say, and why he believed secrecy was easier than being honest. That was an incomplete sentence. I had a so that was an incomplete. I'm sorry. I took AP English. Like, that was weird to the more revealing questions are what love meant to him, what he was afraid to say, and why he believed secrecy was easier than being honest. And so I hope you take away what I've said throughout this entire episode. I hope you took away something. Hope you learned something, or you are or you, or you heard yourself in what I was explaining. All right. So thank you so much for joining me. If you see us on Spicy Spection Live on Mondays, I'll see you on Monday. If not, until next time, I'll see you. Same spicy channel, same spicy time. Thank you so much for joining me.