So I was online recently, and I received a comment from a woman after she learned what I do for a living. And she told me that her husband, I'm not sure if it's her ex-husband. She referred to him as her husband. Um, had been seeing sex workers, and she talked about how much that hurt her, and said that women like me play a role in hurting other women, and then told me she would pray that I find another way to make a living. And I'll actually read the comment here. It wasn't response to me. I was in another thread, and she made a comment. She found out what I did, and she said this. I pray you, I pray you find a way out that business. My husband was going to a sex worker. She put SW. I don't know if it was more than one. And it has been incredibly traumatic and painful for me. I'm not putting the blame on you for men's lack of morals, but I hope you understand that you're playing a role in hurting other women and and yourself. You deserve better. And then she put an emoji like this like video emoji, this videotape emoji and a heart emoji. Okay. All right. So that was what she wrote. And instead of going back and forth with her, I had simply just made one comment and I left it there. So I responded to her lovely comment. And I will read what I said. And then after I after I responded, I just don't go back and forth with people. I I don't try to um com convince anyone to think like me. I just say what I say and I move on. So sh I say, I don't need your prayers or sympathy. I live a fulfilling life and I'm very intentional about what I do. Women like me are not responsible for the choices men make in their relationships. If he wanted to step outside the marriage, he was going to make that choice regardless of who was available. So that's what I said. And I meant it. And quite frankly, I think she's talking to the wrong person. You're talking to me, but have you talked to him? Did you ask him what he was looking for? Did you ask him what he's really into? Did you ask him why he sought out a sex worker in the first place, or did you try to pray it away and just not get down to what's really going on? Did you ask him what he felt like he could explore with this particular sex worker uh that he wasn't feeling comfortable exploring with you? Or did you find out or tell him to stop and assume that whatever made him curious would just disappear if you just prayed it away instead of just talking about it? Because that's the conversation I'm more interested in. And before somebody takes this somewhere, I'm not going to take it, I'm not excusing cheating. I am trying to understand behavior because those two are very different things. And I've worked in the adult industry for years, and I just want to say this men seek us out. I'm not sitting around searching for married men. Um, I'm not hopping in his DM. He searches, he clicks, he messages, he chooses the woman who fits whatever fantasy is in his head at the time. He pulls out his wallet, takes out his credit card or cash, and those are decisions made by a grown man. So I like to ask this question: why does the sex worker end up carrying responsibility for choices he made? And here's something else people may not want to hear. And I'm gonna say it. You could make every sex worker on the internet disappear. You could make every escort disappear, every ad, every OnlyFans profile, every social media, period. You can tear down every strip club, and that still wouldn't make an unfaithful man faithful. People, in this case, men have cheated before, way before OnlyFans, way before porn, way before campsites, they've cheated before social media, they've cheated before dating apps, before the internet. And before the internet, somebody was sleeping with their co-where with their co-worker, with the neighbor, with the woman from the bar, with the ex, whoever. And now they're doing it not just OnlyFans, but also with those same women, with with the coworker, with the neighbor, with with the woman at the bar and their own dating apps. So it's not going to disappear and make men stop cheating and to make them stop being dishonest. If we were to disappear, make all of these adult sites go away. The internet can absolutely make access easier. But it has, and I I I can admit that it's made men more curious, made people more curious to explore, it has made finding very specific fantasies easier, but the internet didn't invent infidelity. So if a man has already decided that he's willing to step outside of his relationship and be dishonest, removing me and women and other people like me in my industry doesn't necessarily solve your problem because I'm not the source of the decision. Here's. And this is where my experience makes me curious about something deeper. I've talked a lot about men. I've I've heard what men tell me behind closed doors, such as I can't tell my wife that she'll throw the Bible at me, she'll throw Bible verses at me, she she'll try to pray away what's in my head, she wouldn't understand, she would think I'm weird, she'll judge me. And these are all from, I would say, based off my personal observation, the Christian men, the religious men who I speak to, this is what comes out of their mouth. And yes, I've talked to men who were afraid that their religious wife or partner would respond to certain parts of their sexuality by praying about it, by quoting verses, like I said, or trying to make their desire go away because they're not interested. They don't care to know about it. They just want them to stop, right? And so I've had men tell me things they've never told the woman sleeping next to them. Think about that. I've had Christian men can confess to me what they would never confess to their pastor, to their priest. Why does somebody feel more comfortable telling a woman on the internet or a random woman that they don't know in a club or someone that they saw an ad for? Exactly what turns him on than telling his own partner. Now again, I don't know if this is this woman's ex-husband because she called him her husband. Um, and I'm not diagnosing their marriage from the comment. Um, maybe none of this applies to him, and maybe he was simply just selfish, or maybe he just wanted to explore something he didn't feel comfortable telling her. Maybe he lied because he wanted to have his cake and eat it too. That's possible too. But let me just say this: I've spoken to many men like him, and enough men to know that there are also men carrying around fantasies, kinks, desires, and questions that they genuinely don't feel comfortable expressing at home. And sometimes what they're asking from someone like me isn't a replacement to their wife. It's a space where it involves him having discretion, right? A space where he can be the kinky version of himself, the submissive version, the dominant version, the curious version, the version that says something he would be embarrassed to say over breakfast the next morning. That's the version that he brings to us. Sometimes him and us being anonymous makes honesty easier. And again, understanding that doesn't mean his partner has to accept what he did because she doesn't. But you can understand someone completely and still decide this isn't the relationship I want. But at least now we're asking the right questions. What were you looking for? Because I've seen something else happen in this work as well. A man gets caught, his partner tells him to stop, he disappears, I don't see him anymore, and sometimes weeks, months, years later, he is right on back. But this time he's he's more careful. And I personally watch versions of that happen because telling someone not to do something doesn't necessarily answer why they wanted to do it in the first place. You can tell someone all you want to never visit a certain site again, you can tell him never to message that woman again, you can tell him never to watch something again, but you cannot make the internet disappear. You cannot make a grown man stop him from doing what he wants to do. In fact, that's gonna make him want to do it more. I'm just being honest. And more importantly, you cannot simply command another person's internal fantasy life to disappear completely, especially without addressing it. And so maybe instead of asking, how do I stop him? There's another question I really want people, specifically if you are a woman who's curious about what I'm talking about, to understand and to ask yourself. And to ask him, why does he keep coming back to this? If you're a man and you've done this, ask yourself this question as well. Because the answer might be uncomfortable. There's something he he he clearly hasn't told you, and maybe there's a kink he doesn't think you'll understand because you're going to pray it away. Maybe there's shame, maybe their sexual incompatibility. Sorry, I almost got that word, I almost butchered the word. Maybe you're sexually incompatible. Maybe he enjoys having a private fantasy life, and maybe he knows that you don't have you can't take what he's about to tell you. All of those possibilities require different conversations, but blaming sex workers and porn stars and strippers and OF creators, blaming anyone in this industry answers none of those questions that I just listed above. I want his money. This is my work. And your husband may have a fantasy that involves me, but that doesn't mean I'm fantasizing about becoming his wife. I'm not texting him off hours. He's not paying me for that. Why would I do that for free? I don't want your house. I have my own. I'm not waiting for him to pack his bags. I'm not plotting the destruction of your marriage. He sought out an experience from me. And that's a very different dynamic from somebody actively pursuing an emotional or romantic relationship with him. And I owe you and him nothing. I didn't sign anything. I didn't take vows. And anyone in my industry industry didn't either. He did. And his interest in a fantasy d doesn't automatically mean you're unattractive either. In fact, it has nothing to do with you. And I really wish more women understood that. Sometimes what a man wants to experience in fantasy has very little to do with what he wants from his everyday partner. Sometimes he wants something different precisely because it's a fantasy. Sometimes he wants to be anonymous. He doesn't want you to spread his business. He wants expertise. He wants someone who's an expert in this particular kinker fetish. Sometimes he wants to temporarily become a completely different version of who he shows outside of the adult fantasy space. And sometimes, yes, he's just being dishonest. Human beings are complicated. And this industry, if anything, has taught me to not live life wearing rose-colored glasses. And so that's why I don't think reducing everything to this the sex worker hurt my marriage, quote unquote. I don't think that gets us anywhere. Because after you blamed me and you've prayed for me and you've judged my profession and wish the entire industry disappeared, you still have to go home and deal with him. And that's who I would be talking to right now. What were you looking for? Why did you go looking for it? What did you think would happen if you did? And why did you feel comfortable telling her? Maybe you won't like his answers, but at least when you ask those questions, you'll finally be asking the person who owes you an explanation because I don't. Because women like me are not responsible for the choices somebody else's husband makes. And sometimes the most uncomfortable question is is also the most useful when we're when we're talking about these topics. And that is, why did why did he go looking in the first place? If you want to go deeper into this conversation, I actually wrote a full what he's thinking piece about this. Feel free to check out the link in the description. I'll leave the link there so that you can find it. You can also visit the spicyspectrum.substack.com. And you'll be able to learn more about me. I hope you enjoyed hearing this new perspective. Like, subscribe, follow, leave a comment. Tell me what do you think about this? Do you agree? Do you disagree? Have you experienced anything that was shared in in this in this video? So thank you for joining me. This is Peppercat signing off, and I'll catch you in the next one.