SPEAKER_00 1:18

Hey, it's your DreamGirl Peppercat, and welcome back to Spicy Spectrum, the show where we translate what men may not always say out loud, and through honest conversations like this one, my goal is to help anyone who wants to better understand men, relationships, desire, and intimacy. And whether you're listening as a man who resonates with these experiences or someone who simply wants to understand them better, you're in the right place. Today's guest is Galen Hazlett. He is a heart transplant recipient, relationship educator, and he's also an advocate who has spent years of supporting tens of thousands of men navigating something a lot of men experience in the dark. Erectile dysfunction. And he's also going to be sharing more about the shame and intimacy challenges that someone who may be experiencing this may also have. And one quick note before we jump in, this episode has been edited for time purposes. But if you like to hear the full episode or see it with your own eyes, it will be available on Patreon and Substack this upcoming Friday. It is the uncut version, video version of this episode. And you'll also be able to find additional content and content where you can actually see it and uncut versions of episodes on both platforms. And those links are in the show notes. For this particular episode and this particular release, we focus more on erectile dysfunction, emotional health, and relationships. So if you'd like to hear more of Galen's personal story, you can find that in the Extended Conversation. Now let's get into today's conversation.

SPEAKER_01 3:57

The way men act react to erectile dysfunction is a spectrum. It's not one way or the other. It's like the autism spectrum. And so on one hand, they could I personally did not see it as a threat to my manhood. I didn't think of myself as any less of a man because my erection has quit working. I I went at it as a logical, okay, I've got a physical problem and I found the solution that fixed the physical problem. And and so but uh on the other hand of that, on the other side of that is those men like we described, that when they when they uh encounter their first erection loss, they go into fight or flight mode, they see it as themselves being less of a man because they can't get that erection. They I've I've often told, I can't say how many hundreds of times I told men in my groups, hey, if you had diabetes, would you not take insulin for it? You know, losing the erection does not make you less of a man. I I have to been known to tell men that not dealing with the lost erection does make you less of a man, because you know, that's kind of the coward's way out, is just he, I'm not gonna deal with this.

SPEAKER_00 5:29

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:30

So but to go back around to that man that's withdrawn, uh, you know, the the first thing when he lost that first erection, his uh his primal brain told him, dude, you're gonna lose your wife. And so he goes into that fight or flight mode, and that is that is what that fight or flight mode is actually what's called uh performance anxiety. Because when you're in fight or flight mode, your body body is producing cortisol and adrenaline and and all the stress hormones, and so when you come out of your shell enough to want to try to attempt sex again and haven't gotten yourself out of fight or flight mode, then you're in fight or flight mode the whole time you're leading up to that sex, and so you're going, is it gonna work? Is it gonna work? Is it gonna work? And that's the best way to guarantee that it's not gonna work.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

Yeah, and yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

Especially if she's you know, could because the first thing a woman feels when their man loses a direction is it must be me. He's not attracted to me anymore, and if then that has followed closely by he's having an affair, that's why he doesn't. And and generally, neither one of those true. I'm sure they are true in rare cases, but I can't tell you how many men told me that they still desired their woman, they wanted to make love to her, and they were just so frustrated they couldn't get Mr. Happy to walk her. And so I've actually I've I've written three uh uh an ED trilogy. Uh the the man's book is rebuilt for his eyes only, and it takes him and walks him through the steps. The I call it the ED ladder. You know, you start off with the medications, the medications don't work, you try shockwave therapy. If the shockwave therapy doesn't work, you try the injection, the penal injections, and maybe uh the PRP shot, and then the final stage that guarantees erections is the implant. I tell guys there's really no excuse for a man not to have erections this day and age. He had off because uh I've had a lot of the guys that in the group that have gotten the implants that said, I wish I had done this five years ago, uh and because they basically restore full functionality. Any they got a they've got little bladders that go are implanted in the penis, and then they've got a tube that runs up to the scrotum that has a little pump, and then there's a reservoir up in the abdomen that carries the fluid, and you just pump that fluid out of the reservoir into the penis, and it's and you get a pe you get an erection that lasts as long as you want it until you reach down and hit the little valve, but lets it go down. Oh wow, I've never heard of that before. And well, and and the strange thing is a lot of men have not heard about that again because there is such a stigma around erectile dysfunction in men, especially in men. They they I can't tell you how many guys I talked to that once I brought up the fact that I was uh uh administrated the two largest Facebook groups for erectile dysfunction, they shut the conversation down right near. They didn't want to talk about it, yeah. And uh and so that that's a big issue, uh is the fact that we can't openly talk about it. And my wife gets a little frustrated when I openly talk to complete strangers about yeah, but you know, that's what we mean because you know it's it's just like any other health issue that is ignored, it it only is gonna get better if it's brought into the daylight, and and so going back to our performance anxiety, okay. So I rebuilt have the ED ladder, and then it also uh uses the mind method doctrine to help him reconnect with his woman, and and then the third thing I do in the book is I challenge him to become a minister lover because um I can't tell you how many women told me my man become became a much better lover after he developed D D. Because all of a sudden he's he's not worrying about his performance as much as he's worried about being present. A lot of my women told me that that yes, they missed penetrating sex, but the that the the intimacy and connection was so much better uh post the erectile dysfunction problem. And so then I I wrote the the second book in the series. The first book is rebuilt for his eyes only, the second one is uh a line for her eyes only, and it talks about the whole monument method and how she can become his anchor in in this storm of life, because she can actually, you know, it talks about you know implementing non-sexual touching to start, to just get to touching each other, and then implementing the the monument method to because once the monument method once I learn the mind method and learn to control that fight or flight mode, all of a sudden that performance anxiety lessens tremendously because he's not in fight or flight mode anymore, he's actually connecting with his well, and so and and and it the acre also goes into getting yourself on solid emotional ground as a woman, uh, to where you can be his aunt. And you know, it basically goes through the what to do and what not to do scenario because I that's the biggest thing, and uh that's the biggest question most women ask me. What do what do I do and what do I not do? And so fortunately, in my five years of experience, it's got with everything else, ugler got me to that point. And then the third book in the series I call a line, and that's where the couple reads that together after they've read their individual books, so they can learn to have an amazing intimate life despite the erectile dysfunction in there.

SPEAKER_00 12:12

I was curious to know, just to close out, um, you know, uh there may be some people who may be experiencing erectile dysfunction and they may have not told anyone, or it's something that they feel like they're experiencing by themselves. What advice would you give someone who may feel isolated or hopeless because they haven't?

SPEAKER_01 12:39

Number one thing I always tell my new guys when they come to the group, uh, especially if they're any older than like mid-30s, ED is the canary in the coal mine for cardiovascular issues.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_01 12:56

Uh up to uh I've heard different statistics depending on who you talk to, but somewhere between 35% and 80% of men who develop ED will have a cardio issue within five to seven years. It's the early warning sign that there could be something wrong in with your heart or circulatory system. So that's the number one thing I say is quit treating it as a shame issue, it's a medical issue. Go go seek treatment. Yeah, it could literally save your life. I it frustrates me because online uh the hymns and the Romans and all the online sellers that give you a virtual doctor appointment and then hand out the pills. They're not taking blood tests, they're not checking to make sure you're not gonna die of a heart attack in two years. Yeah, they're just making the money on the pills, and and so that I tell guys go to your doctor, get your prescription there, fill it with good RX. It's way cheaper than the online places, and and you you're covering your yourself, exactly. And you know, of course, the second thing is don't push the women in your white life away, you know, she can be your biggest ally in treating this. Try to draw closer to her, you know, emotionally, and and a lot of times that emotional closeness will will do a go a long ways towards fixing A B.

SPEAKER_00 14:33

Yeah, yeah. Um, thank you. Thank you for breaking that down, and also thank you for um taking the time just to tell your personal story. And I hope that someone who's listening has resonated with us. Where can people find you if they want to stay in contact or join your group or check out any of your content?

SPEAKER_01 14:57

I I've kind of turned the groups over to other people since I'm started this this uh uh this journey. Um I've been working 12-14 hours a day for nine months for uh for five to uh six to seven days a week for nine months now, uh building these books. And in and so they can find me at monument methodinstitute.com. Um we've got the the monument method. Uh the the what I've shown you today is the key to the door. Uh it opens the door, the books open the door and let you go into a a relationship and turn it into a refuge. And and so I've got monument method and monument method to the sanctuary bong. And then my most rec recent books is I've written a four book ready series that are for their dating books. The mind man and the woman for over adults coming out of a relationship and wanting to get in one that can be a romance phase for their life, the rest of their life. Then man before the monument crowd, and their dating world is really crazy, right? And and so I've written these books in such a way, in such a way that by the time the reader gets to the email, and they're going, okay, this is great. Where do I find somebody to build the monument with? Well, I've created the monument validated person MVP dating site. It's kind of a ghost town now. I just launched the uh two or three weeks ago. Uh, but I'm also giving away the four books. If you go to monumentmethodinstitute.com and click on the MVP and scroll to the bottom, you can download any of those four books in either PDF or EPUB that you can import into your Kindle. And and I'm also making MVP as part of my pay or my transplant. It's it's gonna be free for life, or at least for my life.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

Yeah, do those great, great, and I'll um I'll I'll also put your links in the show notes. So if anyone's listening or you're driving, you can check that check out those links when you look in the show notes. Thank you so much, Galen, for joining me and sharing both your personal journey and what you've learned from supporting so many men experiencing erectile dysfunction. And I hope today's conversation reminded you that erectile dysfunction is often much more than a physical issue. So for anyone listening, I hope this conversation resonated with you and made you understand more. And if you like to watch the full unedited interview, including our extended conversation, you can find it on my Patreon, which is Spicy Spectrum After Dark, or on Substack under what he's thinking. Again, both of those links are in the show notes. You'll also find Galen's website and resources linked right here in the show notes. If you'd like to learn more about his work. And if you'd enjoyed today's episode, I really appreciate if you followed the podcast and left a rating or review and shared this episode with someone who might benefit from it. If you'd like to support Spicy Spectrum as well, you can also check out Thrown Wishlist for any equipment that would help improve this podcast. Or if you enjoyed what you've been listening to and like to support the channel, you can also send a tip through Cash App if you are feeling gracious. Every bit of support helps me continue creating these conversations and bringing on new guests for the show. So that being said, thank you so much for joining me and listening. I hope to see you next week. Same spicy channel, same spicy time. I'll see you in the next one.