He tells you a fantasy and now you have questions. Do you actually want to do that? How long have you been thinking about this? Is this something you expect from me? Meanwhile, he might be sitting there thinking I thought we were just having a conversation. Or maybe he is hoping you'll be interested. That's where things can get confusing. One person is sharing an idea, and the other person is trying to figure out what that idea means for their relationship. Welcome back to Spicy Spectrum. It's your dream girl Pepper. And today we're talking about whether someone's fantasy is something they want in real life. Through my work in the adult industry, I've had conversations with men about things they enjoy imagining, things they're curious about, and also things they want to keep within a session. And those can be different conversations. And being on the receiving end of a fantasy doesn't automatically tell you which conversation you're having. So let's talk about what happens when imagination meets interpretation. I want to give an example of something where that plays out. I have several different clients. The two main different types of clients I have when it comes to this conversation is the first group. Ones where they have a fantasy, they're thinking about something, they're into something, and they'd actually do it in real life. And I've actually heard and seen this where they may be into something, such as farting, and they really do like the smells of farts. They really do. They indulge in whatever they're into in real life. And then I have the second groups of clients where they're into something, but they never act it out in real life, and it's just a fantasy. And part of that fantasy is that it's just that. And that's what turns them on, is that they like it, they think about it, they will never do it, but they're but that but they're fantasizing about it right now. What does he mean by I've thought about it? I've thought about it can leave a lot of room for interpretation. Does that mean it crossed his mind once? Does he enjoy returning to the idea? Is he curious about something? Is he curious about trying some version of that fantasy? Has he already decided he wants it and is hoping you'll agree? We'll touch on that part. You can't always tell from the fantasy itself, and even asking, would you do that may need a little more conversation because there's a difference between that sounds exciting when we're talking about it versus I've considered what this would involve, and I want to discuss it seriously, which is what I've heard a lot as well. And I think about that in my work. Someone may enjoy a very a very particular character or a dynamic with me, and that gives me information about what they enjoy in that setting. However, it doesn't give me their entire personality or their background, it doesn't tell me how they want every relationship in their life to work. And it definitely doesn't mean I get to make decisions about their life based on one request. I can ask what they mean, which I do often. I can listen to what they say, and that gets me further than deciding I already know. I never jump into an experience with someone during a session where I believe I know more than them or I can read their mind. I always have questions that are meant to clarify something that they've told me. Well, you say you're into feet. Are you into dirty feet or clean feet? You say you're into dirty talk. Is it soft dirty talk, or do you want me to scream at you? Like these are real questions. I ask questions in the beginning, especially if they're new. Even if they're repeating clients, I still like to clarify certain things because they may want to try something new. They may want to switch something up. And I've discovered that when I don't assume what they want or what they like, it actually gives me the answers that I'm searching for. A fantasy can come with very convenient conditions. One thing I find interesting about imagination is how conveniently everything can work, right? Everybody knows their lines, nobody gets tired of the wrong moment. And the setting between us is exactly right. You know, nobody's phone starts ringing during our sessions. Nobody suddenly remembers that they have an early appointment. You can skip all the parts that you don't want to talk about. So when it comes to fantasy, real experiences come with other people. So they have preferences, they have different reactions to certain things that I'm seeing or doing. Um, and they also have a right to change their mind. And they can make that can make a big difference between enjoying an idea and wanting to experience it. So someone might like imagining being unusually bold, loud. They they they're in this mood where they want to be an exaggerated version of themselves. Because in their imagination, this is who they want to be. And so they know they'll be received exactly the way they want when they're with Sessions with Me. And so someone may also enjoy pretending to be someone. They may be maybe they don't have control, or maybe they do have control in their real life. Now they want to pretend like they don't have control, they want to give up that control, they want to surrender. You see this a lot with BDSM. Someone being submissive versus being dominant. That doesn't mean that they don't actually not want control in their real life, they may actually enjoy having control in their real life, but right now in this role play, they don't. So context matters. For example, you know, I've said this before and I'll say it again. I have clients where they may be the boss, they may have they they may be the the the business owner, they may be the one calling the shots, and they tell everyone what to do. Now, when they come to Miss Pepper, which is my dominatrix name, Miss Pepper. Miss Pepper tells you what to do. Miss Pepper is in charge of what of with how you'll serve me. So the roles are reversed in that context, right? In real life, they don't b they do boss people around, but in my world, I do the bossing. I do the pushing around. And so that is something that they wouldn't. So that's another example, you know, of something just being a fantasy and not really being their real life. Or it's a part of their real life, but it's not in their physical world, it's something that is a part of their little imagination, and it's still real to them, even though you can't physically see it. So that's another example of what happens. Um, the person having the fantasy may not have thought through you know all the scenarios. Um, but they're allowed to be curious, they're allowed to change their mind, they're allowed to add something to it, too. So what part of the fantasy does he enjoy? This is where I slow down the conversation when it comes to fantasies, because the part that stands out to you might not be the part that stands out to him. So you hear the setting, this the he's thinking about a feeling of being pursued, for example, or seduced. You hear a character, and he's interested in getting to be more confident in himself. So you may be focused on a particular detail, and he may he may he may not even care about the detail. He just cares about what something else, right? So there are different possibilities. What's something that makes him like if I say a word and you see his reaction, okay, that's something that he's into. You know, what's something that triggers him? What's something that triggers you too? And so um, so that's what my line of work. There are times when a person can describe exactly what they want from a scenario. Other times we have to clarify that we have to dig deeper, you know, figure out what else turns that person on. What are some details that may be missing? And so that's what I like to clarify before sessions or during sessions before I decide what to offer, especially I like to kind of get a summary of what someone's into before I jump into it, because I don't want something where someone is into something and I can't deliver what they're looking for. So, and and that's good for you too, because you don't want to jump into a fantasy or a roleplay and you all didn't talk about a summary, and now you're figuring out, hey, I'm uncomfortable with this. We should have talked about this beforehand. And even during the fantasy, you're still both of you, both of you are still allowed to change your mind. The conversation matters just as much as the initial request. I've had several cases during during my sessions or prior to where someone's told me something, and I say, Hey, I'm not the right person for you for this. This is not something I'm well versed in. I don't, you know, this, or I may be better at this in a mother's. Or that's not my niche. That's not my fetish. That's not my king. That's not something I can do. Rarely I tell people that, but there are cases where I do tell them. So, and like I, or I may be in they may be into something, I can do it, but I'm asking more questions to gather more information. So that's what I do when it I apply to my line of work that you can do too, is asking questions about their fantasy. What his partner may be hearing. Now, if you're the person listening, you're the one, you know, on the other side. I understand why your mind might start moving. So, especially if it's unfamiliar, you might wonder whether your partner is unhappy on both ends, right? You've missed something, whether this is about to become an expectation, this fantasy that you do every single week on Friday. You don't have to pretend you have no reaction. And this is on both both sides. You can say, um, hey, I may need a minute, or this is something I've never heard before. I'm I'm laughing because I'm uncomfortable. It is okay to laugh, okay? You may hear something about someone having a farting fetish and they like their booty hill tiggle with your big your big toe. And you're like, wait a minute, this is something I've never heard before. I'm giggling, I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at, you know, me feeling uncomfortable. So you can, you know, it's okay to show your emotions, just don't show them, but also explain why you're saying something or doing something so so so the other person won't feel confused and think that you're laughing at them and they're insecure and they don't know what's in your mind. Okay. I think, at least for me too, that I've seen with my line of work is just being honest with how I'm feeling, why I'm doing something, and verbalizing that if I feel comfortable. And my clients have done that as well. And you can even ask, are you sharing something you enjoy imagining, or are you asking whether I want to try something? This is a good question too, because there are times where clients they'll come to me and they'll say, Hey, what do you like to do? And I'm like, Hey, I like mutual masturbation, right? So we're doing it, and then they start throwing in things they want, and then they change up what I wanted. When in the beginning, they could have just said what they wanted. They were trying to, and I don't know why my clients do this. Maybe you can write in the comments. To me, it's like they're trying to appeal to what feels good to me, but then they like to add what feels good to them, but they don't tell me, and now I'm thrown off. When you could have just said in the beginning, hey, I'm into this, can we do this as the role play? Instead of trying to make it seem like you're trying to accommodate my fantasy, now I'm thrown off. So I would say if you're so a guy, like just be honest or whatever, like just be honest with like what you're into. Um, and don't like try to like do what they want when you really want to do what you want. Maybe just do like both, like what you both enjoy. Because I often find that, and just I'm I'm saying guy because that's the main I've seen it. I guess with my clients are mostly men, and I've seen it where they want to appear that they're appeasing me, but you're not being honest. So just be honest, you know. Um, so that so that question can save both people from guessing because if he's sharing an idea, you're you're you're having one conversation. If he's making a request, then you may have another request. So if you're the person sharing, help your partner understand what you're asking from them. You could say something like, I enjoy talking about this, but I'm not asking you to do it, or I'm curious about it, but I haven't figured out how I feel about trying it. Or I would like to talk about whether some version of whatever I'm talking about interests us. We're just talking about it. So those statements leave much less room for the other person to assume or guess. And you you may be asking next, well, why would someone want to keep this in a in a conversation? Keep their fantasy just strictly a conversation, not go outside of that. In my work, the boundaries of a session can be a part of what someone is choosing. So there's a time to set aside, to have a certain agreed-upon experience, and there's things I offer and I don't offer. So a character can exist for a pi a period of time. A roleplay is just that. So outside of the roleplay, it's not real. And I was saying earlier how you know there are some people, a lot of guys who I speak to where they'll use this as a way to escape, they'll use fantasy spaces as a way to escape real life. So when the session ends, that doesn't mean that the character becomes, you know, a part of our everyday relationship. It doesn't, it's not carried out into that unless that's what you want. For some who are enjoying that experience, the separation is what's appealing. It's I can live my life this way, I can come over here and get a little dirty, I'm finished, I can walk away and return back to my normal life. So they may want to visit a particular imagined scenario without building their real life around it. This includes, and I've I've I've spoken about it, there are men who fantasize about having sexual relations with the same sex. Super common. Same with other types of role plays that maybe more lean into the extreme taboo. Very common to see them do extreme taboo roleplays and not always carry it out into their real life. Do some of them do carry that? Of course. Like this is the real world. So, um, again, every client is different. Some people are exploring an interest, they also want to try in the future. So they may be doing a fantasy where they're thinking about it. They will do it, they haven't done it yet. But it's something they're warming up to, they're currently doing it, and they're doing it just to get off, or they won't do it, they'll never do it, but they're doing it because they never do it, but it's something that turns them on. It's the forbidden fruit aspect. So I've seen those examples in my line of work. And does this mean something I'm missing? So is an another question that can come up. If you enjoy imagining that, does that mean that we have that what I have is not enough? That what I'm doing is not enough? A fantasy, a fantasy alone can't answer that question, but someone may enjoy their relationship and have an active imagination. I know this comes up where I've seen, for example, with women who may have found that their partner is watching porn or on an adult site and they're asking themselves, is it how I look? Is this something that I'm doing? Is this something that I'm not doing? The truth is, it could be both. I'm I'm not gonna sit here and sugarcoat. He may want oral sex, which I've heard a lot from guys who want oral sex. His partner's not giving it to him. He wants to do a fantasy where he's receiving oral sex. Or you could be fulfilling his sexual life, and he may have other fantasies that he wants to try out that he's not brought up, that he has, that he's thinking about bringing up. There are so many scenarios, so it's not always about the person, it's just that he has an active imagination. He wants to try something new, something different. Again, not justifying him going behind someone's back. I'm just explaining why there are a subset of guys who go on these sites. So, um, yeah. I always say, even with myself, you're trying something new, you feel uncomfortable, you can stop it. I've stopped sessions where I don't feel comfortable. I say, hey, I don't feel comfortable doing that. I don't feel comfortable saying that. Sometimes I have to hang up. Sometimes we change the route of the roleplay. Um, someone may, you know, um want to switch up the tone, you know. It may be too rough. You may want to, you may want to have a softer approach. You may feel nervous. You may want to change it up a little bit. So, you know, just communicating gives your partner something clearer to respond to, as opposed to expecting them to interpret a whole scenario or read your mind. Again, it's important to verbalize everything you're thinking, if it's appropriate for that time, you know, or if you don't feel right, verbalize those those kind of things. And if your partner shares an interest, you don't have to immediately turn into a comparison between yourself and everyone in their imagination, every, you know, another character or roleplay. You can ask what it means to them. You know, what does this roleplay mean to you? Why are you doing it? What turns you on about it before you decide to do it or to decide what it means to you. And so that doesn't require you to ignore your own feelings, it gives you more information to work with. And before you share, know what you're asking for. If you're thinking about bringing up a fantasy, take a moment with this question. What do I want from this conversation? Do you want to have your fantasy played out? Do you enjoy your partner being a part of this fantasy that you've been thinking about? Do you want to ask about trying something new, or are you trying to figure it out still in your head and you're trying to verbalize it with your partner? Just be up front. You can say something like, I don't have all this worked out, but I wanted to talk to you about this fantasy. Then give the other person room to respond and process it. They may need time and you may need to clarify. So the goal doesn't have to be an immediate yes for them to do the fantasy that you want. You're finding out whether you have an honest conversation. Um, that you're trying to figure out the the reactions to what you're saying, figure out if you're on the same page and figure out what kind of fantasies you feel comfortable doing. So, does he want his fantasy in real life? He might. He might want part of it, and he might enjoy it entirely within his imagination. And you'll learn more by asking questions, treating the fantasy as a confession. Treat it, well, go past the confession. Treat it, don't, don't treat it like you're trying to decode something, just treat it like something that you're trying to get more information about and whether or not you you feel comfortable doing it, and if they feel comfortable as well. And if you're the one sharing, you don't don't leave your partner doing all the interpretation. They can't read your mind, right? So tell them whether you're sharing or if you're just wondering, or if you're asking them to participate in a fantasy with you. So the question I leave you with is what do you want me to understand about this, right? About about the fantasy, about whatever you're coming to them with. So that gives someone room to explain themselves. And it also gives you room to listen before deciding how you feel. If you would like a one-on-one, if you like to ask your partner something, or someone has come to you with a question or scenario about a kink or fantasy, I offer pepper's perspectives where I offer a perspective based on my knowledge and my spicy world. I've spoken to thousands of men. Or you may be the one with the fantasy and you don't know how to how to ask your partner. Again, I've spoken to thousands of men, thousands of people, um, in terms of conversations that don't always uh they're not always brought into light. And I hear um different types of role plays and fantasies I've participated in this world. And so you may want to have a one-on-one and a private conversation. If you like to visit spicyspectrumpcast.com on the far left hand side, Peppers Perspectives is hyperlinked. Click that link, book a time with me. We can talk about a scenario or um something that is going on in your life that you want to discuss and you want another perspective another perspective. So that's what I'm here for. Reach out, and I will be having another spicy spicy spectrum live this upcoming Monday. This past Monday, it will be uploaded on SubSec and Patreon. Those links are in the show notes. If you missed it, do know that the replays for every single Spicy Spectrum Live is always on what he's thinking on SubSec and Spicy Spectrum After Dark on Patreon. Thank you so much for joining me. Stay tuned for the next episode. And I look forward to sharing more information and hearing from you if you have more questions.